Day 1
Last night turned out to be better than I expected, none of them pulled any drama and I believe it was because Ira was present, although neither of them could hide the unlikeness of each other's presence.
It's 4am and I'm up, just at the thought of knowing that he was just a few doors away made me feel emotions I hadn't felt in a long time one of the reasons I kept tossing and turning the entire night so baking is a way to get my head over things just for some time, I head over to the kitchen to bake, it's sort of a coping mechanism for when I cannot fall asleep as well,
I feel like making chocolate cookies something that is loved by everyone in the house.
I begin to hum a song and in my mind I'm trying to think of where I might of heard the song, to make matters worse I can't seem to get the lyrics right and then it finally hits me, it's the song that Michale and I danced to on our wedding day.
Someone enters the kitchen and I freeze because I know it could only be one person, I turn around and look at him, he rubs his head in circles, and that could only mean one thing, that he has a headache, without realising it I reach out for the medicine cabinet and pull out something to help him. I put it on the counter right where he can see it, and only then do I think he realises he wasn't alone in the kitchen, he looks at me but I don't look back.
"Thank you" he whispers, I just nod and go back to what I was doing. After some time I think he's going to stand up and leave but he doesn't he just sits there much to my discomfort, then I remember that I was making his favourite, only after I've placed them into the oven does he speak.
"You couldn't sleep?" he asks, I don't look at him and I just nod I take out two cups and fill them up with hot chocolate, I pass his to him and after about fifteen minutes do I take the cookies out. I place some on a plate and pass it over to him to which he gladly takes and begins to eat.
I take my own plate, I smile as I reminse how we used to these Unconsciously I dip the cookie into the hot chocolate, only as the cookie is about reach my mouth I see we both had dipped the cookie inside.
"I didn't know you still did that" he says, of course you wouldn't know you were barely here is what I wanted to say deep down.
"Well I don't really do it anymore couldn't say the same for you" I say picking up the last cookie.
"I haven't done it in a long time" then it goes silent.
"Unfortunately Ira doesn't do it, she finds it disgusting you know" I smile at the face Ira makes when she sees me dipping my cookie sometimes.
"Really? That was one of the things she was supposed to inherit from us" he says.
"Yeah weird I know, well I hope the headache dies down just drink alot of water" I finish the last bits on my plate.
"Aren't you gonna sit?" he asks, I look up from my plate at the sound of his voice.
"I'm done anyway, Goodnight" I say as I place my plate into the sink and leave.
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"Hannah I'll be there...I won't be late... Yeah sure... Me too" The first conversation I hear at 10am when Ira and I walk into the dinning area, with Michale rushing all over the place trying to get himself ready, with his tie dangling undone on his neck, then I remember that he can't tye his tie.
"Daddy you're leaving already?" a small voice says besides me, I look down at Ira and see the sadness in her eyes, he briefly looks at her and says "Princess I'll be back by the evening I promise"
"What about breakfast?" I ask, he just shakes his head "Hannah will bring something for me" and with that he takes his bags and leaves, with his tie still undone I wanted to step forward to help him but stopped myself as I remembered that there must have been someone to help him tye his tie throughout the five years. Someone hugs my leg tightly, I smile at her "Why don't we go to the park?" she shakes her head.
"I'll ask Uncle Ithan to come spend the day with us" I offer, she shakes her head, I sigh in defeat.
"I'll wait for daddy" I look at her, I pick her up and hug her tightly.
"He'll be back, in the meantime why don't we go for the doctor's appointment?" she just shrugs her shoulders.
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"There's so many options one could take to get rid of it, and plus she's still too young to lose-"
"I've made my decision, I'm doing what's best for my family"
"Maybe if you go home and think further about it then maybe we can take it from there, look ma'am I'm not trying to overstep my boundaries but it's better getting rid of it now then when it's too late because after that they'll be nothing I can do" I see the pity in his eyes, that's all I've been receiving alot lately, eyes full of nothing but pity.
"There's nothing to think about Doctor but thank you your concern means that you care, I'll take my leave" I stand up quickly and exit the door, I walk to the play room they have here in the hospital to fetch Ira who was playing with one of the nurses who was on duty of the kids today.
"Ilana dear hello" Mrs Jones greats, I smile at her, she's a very nice old woman who loves children and works in the hospital in the infant ward mostly she in fact was one of the woman who were present when I gave birth to Ira, she fills in the void of a mother in my heart, I tell her almost everything.
"Mrs Jones, how are you" I ask hugging her and taking a sit beside her.
"I should be asking you that, don't you think" she says placing her hand on my leg "How's everything going"
"Not entirely well but all will be well right" I smile nervously at her.
"Ilana dear, you're so hard on yourself sometimes , forgive yourself and stop holding yourself down how will you move on if you cannot forgive yourself"
"It's hard Mrs Jones, sometimes-sometimes I wish all of this was a dream and I'd just wake from a nightmare and have him right next to me" I say tearing up "I feel like I haven't been a good mother to Ira and that maybe I'm just not woman enough to keep my house-my home alive or what if I'm being punished" I place my hand onto my mouth to avoid my cries to be heard by the kids. Mrs Jones holds my hand and squeezes it softly.
"I want you to look forward to your right, there's a little someone wearing a red dress and yellow boots who is that" She asks I look forward and meet with Ira, I smile as I watch her play with the other kids "Do you see her" I nod looking back at her "That little nugget is your strength, you love her so much one can see it just by looking at you watching her, Ilana you are a strong woman a wonderful mother and nothing could ever beat that" she gives me a side hug.
I wish I could see myself in her eyes maybe then I'd be able to forgive myself.
___________(diverselyunique)__________
If you've made it to the end then I am really grateful I really appreciate all of you including the silent readers if you did enjoy this chapter please do vote and let's look forward to chapter 5 and lastly don't forget to:
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-Diverselyunique
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