Hands | DNF

24.

I was looking down at my hands playing with the stuffed animal.

"What emotions have you felt recently?"

"I umm- I haven't been doing well lately. I have just felt sadness, sorrow, anxiety and depression. I feel lonely and tired. I just want to lay in bed and just be there unbothered by anything and anyone."

"I am sorry to hear that. But what made you feel that way?"

"Since my mother's death I've been practically alone. My father has not been in the picture for a long time. And I hope he never returns. My brother has been to busy working and going to bars. And besides my American friends I only have one other friend, Will. He is the one that stuck with me through everything but I feel like I am reaching his level of patience."

I felt tears running down my face and choking me. I look up at her.

"I just feel like a burden to everyone now."

We talked for a bit longer about my emotions before the session ended. We headed out and when we reached the lobby she pulled my brother away to have a word with him.

I couldn't hear much. But I heard one thing. The word I hated the most.

Depression.

Yeah I feel depressed but I don't have depression.

She proceeded to hand him a piece of paper.

As we sat in the car before starting it my brother just sighed.

"George we have to go to the pharmacy."

"What for?"

I asked looking at him. He handed me the peace of paper she had given him. It was a prescription for some medicine.

I sat quietly and averted my gaze.

When we finally got home, he pulled me into the kitchen.

"You have to take 2 tablets every 12 hours."

He handed me the bottle of pills I held it and sighed. I got some water and sat at the kitchen island.

Dave had left. I was just staring at the bottle scared to move.

Dream cam into the kitchen and stood in front of me on the other side of the island. He looked at the pills and then met my eyes. He looked sorry for me.

Great! Pity.

I grabbed two pills and quickly swallowed them leaving the kitchen immediately. I hated how Clay looked at me. I hated when people felt sorry for me.

As I put my shoes on. Clay showed up.

"George..."

"No. I don't need your pity right now."

I cut him off taking a step towards the door. He grabbed me by the elbow.

"You can't be alone right now!"

"Watch me."

I ripped out off his grip and out of the door. I ran on the sidewalk. I only stopped when I reached the park. I sat the bench. Alone at last. What I never understood is why me. What did I do? Why is my life like this?

I just don't want to do this. I need everything to stop. I just want everything to stop existing. I want to die or be swollen by the ground or anything.

I hate everything about my existence.

.