Hands | DNF

17.

"I'm sorry. Sometimes it is hard for me to eat."

"Why's that?"

"I just.. I don't know how to explain it. It's just my thoughts overpower me and tell me that I don't need to eat. Or that if I am fat nobody will love me so I just stop eating. Also this is the only way I have control over something. I just can't stop these thoughts from filling up my head."

He reached his hand out and grabbed mine giving it a small squeeze.

"George, you are literally perfect and I love you no matter what you eat or don't. I care about you and this is not gonna change. I just want you to be healthy and starving yourself is not it. I am here and always will do my best to be next to you. Now take your time and you don't have to eat the whole thing just the half. Ok?"

"I'll try."

We sat there for more than 30 minutes that took me to finish the half. I felt awful and apparently my face showed it, because Clay stood up and came to me picking me up and squeeze me in a hug. I attach to him like a koala and just drown in the feeling while it lasts. He goes to the couch and puts me down. My head is screaming and I feel myself start to cry.

"Hey, hey don't cry. I am really proud of you george! You are amazing. C'mon don't cry I know it's hard, but don't let those thoughts ever win listen to me and believe me when I say you are perfect."

My head is on his chest as he threads his hand though my hair, playing with it. This calms me down significantly.

"But that voice it won't stop. It is always there to tell me that I don't need the meal or how fat I am or how I need to starve for that feeling. It's just so loud and it never leaves."

"I just want you to focus on my voice. That voice is just in your head it is not real. It is in YOUR head so you control it. Shut him down and I want you to try to block it out every time it tells you anything bad. Now you just focus on my voice."

He started telling me a random story that happened to hime a couple of days ago. The voice was finally quiet I could just hear his voice. And I smiled knowing that Clay was here for me. He was here and he cared.

We spent the night talking and at some point fell asleep on the couch together.

I woke up by the sound of my alarm.
Fuck I have school. I also noticed that Clay was not longer next to me. I got up and went to my bathroom starting to get ready. I put on some sweats and decided to brush my teeth.

When I entered the living room. I found Clay on his laptop.

"Did you get some sleep in?"

"I did woke up earlier than you tho. Are you ready to go to your classes?"

I popped next to him one the couch and dramatically acted like I was dying.

"Noo, I just wanna sleep and not goo. I am dying can I not just skip this shot hole."

"Nope. C'mon get your stuff I am gonna escort you to school."