Hands | DNF

25.

As I sat staring at nothing and thinking of everything that had happened, someone sat next to me.  I look over to Clay. He was looking straight at me. He reached his hand over mine and held it giving it a gentle squeeze. I look away.

"I am sorry you met me, your life would have been so much better if I wasn't in it."

"HEY. George look at me!"

When I didn't even move, he grabbed my chin and made me look at his face.

"Don't say that. Never even dare to think that. Cause that is the biggest lie. You are so important to me and no life would be 1000 time worse if you weren't here."

I wanted nothing more than to believe that and yet I didn't.

Only later I had to find out that sadly you couldn't even believe it yourself.

That night we stayed at the bench talking for hours. When we got home we found Sapnap and David playing video games on the xbox.

I was feeling really tired and just went to bed. I fell asleep instantly. I woke up covered in sweat. I had a nightmare that I was in a white space all alone and no matter what I did I was all alone and there was no escape.

I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I took a shower, the whole time I was looking at my arms and the red, purple and white lines that covered them. I got out of the shower and changed into a hoodie and some sweats before heading downstairs.

I was met with Clay who was sitting at the kitchen island drinking coffee. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was almost 12 o'clock. I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat next to him. We formed a small chat and soon after David entered. He greeted us and the second thing he did was to hand me two pills. I got them out of his hand and stared at them for a second before swallowing them.

I pushed my mug aside and laid my head on my hands.
I stayed there until Clay got up and went to the living room and Sapnap came into the room.

"How are you feeling?" He asked with concern in his voice.
"Look George, I know we like to joke around and act goofy, but right now I am worried about you."

"It's all too much Sap. I don't know what to do with myself anymore."

"Well let me tell you something no matter what happens I want you to remember that I love you. You are my best friend and you mean the world to me. And let's not do anything together. Let's just watch a movie play something and spend the whole day doing nothing."

"Thank you Nick!"

I take a step forward and hug him tightly.
We go to the living room where Clay is doing something on his laptop.

I let the boys pick a movie and soon we were on the couch both of them watching it. I however couldn't stop thinking about everything they didn't know. And how they would react when thy found out.

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