Suits (My Worst Partner-Enemy)

Need Your Presence

9PM.

Happy hour turned out just as I imagined. Messy. We cleaned up after the girls left and Avery joined most of the fun. They asked if they could be her godmothers which made me happy. I was still hopeful Donna would return to work. After putting Avery to bed, I changed to my PJs and sat on my bed. Maya is completely worn out already. I laid against the pillows and watched TV. Thoughts roamed my mind about this certain whom. Again. Oh cmon, knock it off Liz. I don't need another hour of him sending wink texts or inviting me for another hotel meet and stay. Even if half those times were almost intimate. My eyes instantly closed, remembering the day at the cabin. The same fuzzy warmth. His aftershave lingering through my nose. His strong hands intertwined with mine. His warm-protective hugs made me feel secured. His face cuddled against mine that made me giggle. The peck after peck from my upper to lower back left a tingling sensation. 'Gorgeous. Are you unreal? Wow.' 'No matter what you say, you're perfect to me.' echoed through my brain. I smiled and sighed happily. But my mind also snapped to what happened yesterday. 'Caring makes you weak. They think you care, they'll walk all over you.' I inhaled a deep breath and picked up my phone to find myself staring at Harvey's name. That same question I pondered hit my mind. Is caring really a weakness to Harvey? If anyone ask me, caring is more of a strength than a weak bone. Of course sometimes it's too sentimental for people. My brain clicked, remembering Jessica's words. 'You pretend like you don't care, but you do. You care about the people you work with, you care about the people you work for, and you care about every one of your clients but you refuse to let people know.' He often pretends he doesn't care but he actually does. Then a memory of the night we argued about my ex. 'Elizabeth, I've only said those things because I care about you and didn't want you to get hurt.' My eyes slowly widened as I held the butterflying pit of my stomach. Maybe, perhaps, he actually—I snapped out of my thoughts when my phone buzzed. I immediately answered. "Hello?" I asked. "Elizabeth, are you awake? Please." Harvey spoke in a slurred voice. I cleared my throat. "Harvey? Are you ok? You sound a little..." I trailed off. A bit drunk would be the answer. "I'm fine. Really I am. Maybe that is what anyone says." He told me. I sat upwards and criss-crossed my legs. "Harvey, you're drunk. You should sleep this off." I said. A moment of silence was on his end. "You know? I really never meant to put you through this. It was fucking horrible. Seeing you upset or hurt....I couldn't take none of it. I already screwed up when Donna got fired. You are the last person I wanna lose." He slurred. Lose? What is he talking about? "What do you mean? Harvey, please go to bed." I told him confusedly. "I've spent the whole day....at my father's grave....I haven't been there in a long while...why? It's that thing you said. Last time, you said nothing's important than family. Today is the anniversary of his death...." He trailed off. Harvey must've been crying because the low sniffles and hiccupy cry were heard. I sighed sadly. "I'm so so sorry, I didn't know. But don't be hard on yourself. You're human, you're not perfection. Louis was only doing his job in the trial. And I know you care about—He cut me off. "You. I care about you. I never want to lose you. Not even to another firm. There's nobody else I'd rather spend the evening with than be in your presence. I always love being in your presence, Elizabeth. Not only I love it, I need it." He continued. I scoffed and raised an eyebrow. "Need me?" I asked. "Need you. You can never leave. Don't ever leave. Please Elizabeth." He said in a serious tone. How could he ever think I'd—whoa, whoa, whoa. Take a breather Liz. He is practically drunk and not thinking straight. Yet people say their true feelings when they're drunk. "Shit." I mumbled, hanging up. He'll probably pass out anyway.

In a matter of seconds, my phone buzzed with nearly five—ten drunk texts from Harvey. I facepalmed and flunked myself back on the pillow.

******

4:20AM.

The second the monitor went off, I rolled out of bed while yawning and followed Avery's cries to her room. I wiped my eyes before flickering the switch. Small tears wept from her eyes. "Mommy's here baby. Mommy's here." I whispered softly and picked her up. Her head rested on her shoulder as I bounced her in my grasp. I kissed her head which smelt of a strawberry-scented garden. "Rockabye a baby, rockabye—I paused huffing. "Dumb lullaby." I whispered. How about hush little baby, don't say a word, mama's gonna—I mentally skipped it and muttered 'nope.' My brain clicked. I sat down on the nearby chair and started rocking her. "Ah, hey, oh oh. Baby, baby yeah, are you listening? Wondering, where you've been, all my life? I just started living. Oh, baby are you listening? Oh. When you say you love me, know I love you more. When you say you need me, know I need you more. Girl, I adore you. I adore you. Baby, can you hear me? When I'm crying out for you? I'm scared, oh. So scared. But when you're near me, I feel like I'm standing with an army. Hey, oh. When you say you love me, know I love you more. When you say you need me, know I need you more. Girl, I adore you. I adore you." I sung quietly. Nothing but silence echoed. A happy smile formed on my lips while caressing my sleeping daughter's hair. Guess my voice is her favorite lullaby. I kissed her forehead and carefully laid her in the crib. "I really do adore you baby." I whispered, smiling before turning off the light and going back to my room.