Rain Fall / dnf

| 020 |

Tw: mentions of sexual assult and alcohol.

We got home around twenty minutes ago. Everyone else is downstairs drinking and blasting music whilst me and Clay are in my room.

Clay started the shower for me, and I grabbed clothes from my drawers.

We are planning to go back down after to party. I say we because I insisted he'd go downstairs but he said no.

The rest of the dinner went great. I talked with the adults and had a lot of laughter about memories and just normal banter.

Being there made me realize that I have family who aren't as bad as they used to be or I claimed them to be.

I go into the bathroom to see Clay setting out two towels on the counter.

I place my clothes on the counter before looking at him confused. "Why two?"

He shrugs, "cared if I joined?"

I think for a moment, leaning against the counter and then shrugging, "Knock yourself out blondie ."

"Blondie?" Clay looks at me and smirks, "That's how it's gonna be now?"

I nod, "yeah it is." I smile at him as he takes off his shirt, throwing it onto the floor near the hamper.

"I was thinking of inviting Lyra and Skylar to the art museum?" I say, watching him walk over to me and help me take my shirt off.

He hums, "Sure." He throws my shirt next to his as he takes off his own pants.

"You don't seem too sure..." I say quietly.

He goes to help me but I stop his hands. The sudden fear of him touching me. "Don't touch me I'm sor—"

I look up at him with shock at what I just said, and he looks at me with concern-filled eyes.

"I- sorry," he says, "I didn't mean to—"

"No i— I don't know why I did that.." I say quietly as I remove my hands and take off my own clothing. Leaving us both in our underwear.

He looks at me with a blank stare, "George I can leave if you want baby— I only asked to shower with you because you looked upset and I wanted to be with you."

"Clay," I put my hand on his cheek, "I'm fine come on don't be silly—"

"George you thought I was going to do something." He says as he puts his hand on my arms gently, "Why?.."

I look at his eyes. He looks so confused and hurt. "I-I don't know." I mutter as tears pool in my eyes, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to do that please don't—"

"George." He says in a soft serious tone, obvious hurt lacing his words, "I'm not going to hurt you baby... go have a shower I'll be waiting for you okay?"

"No clay—" I say as I watch him leave the bathroom, closing the door softly behind him.

Why did I do that? Why did I think he was going to hurt me?

The last time I showered with someone was Leo. And I left his dorm that day terrified.

So maybe that's why.

I feel terrible. He looked as if his heart was broken. It's happened a couple of times where I thought he was Leo. But now?

I don't understand why it keeps happening. It's clay and I— I love clay. He would never do something like that.

I get into the shower, tears running down my face as I try to hold in my sobs silently.

I don't want to ruin this trip or this night especially for Clay. I know he's terrified of what'll happen when we go back to school and return to our classes.