"Is she mine?" Freen asked with shaky hands watching the little kid playing on the playground. Her hair cascade on her shoulders, her eyes were brown, Freen's brown ones and her prominent nose is as of Becky's.
Becky glared at Freen, her anger ragi...
"How long?" Becky asked Freen as the tears stream down the valleys of her cheeks.
Sitting across her is Freen's stoic and emotion deprived face boring daggers on Rebecca's eyes.
"How long Freen!" Her voice carry venom of poisonous inquiries. "How long will I ever get to spend useless times in this marriage for you to love me? How long will I have to suffer from this hell you bestowed upon me! Freen i've always been here! Why can't you see me! Why are you still looking for someone else when I am the one who's got your back everytime!" She cried, her voice filled with bitterness, her voice crack midway from stating the whole message she wanted to convey but Freen remained stagnant and ignorant.
She meet Becca's gaze, two eyes pierce against each other, one with a broken soul and one with a blank expression. " Why are you crying? Did I gaved you permission to cry?" She asked, her jaw clenched, fist close tight as if she was helding herself back from the outrage of her emotion. " And why are you asking me about that? Can't you already figure it out enough?" She asked.
"I never once laid my eyes on you Becky, never did I ever cross the line, why are you asking me if I feel the same way about you? You are just one of my whores! You will never be someone I will love! You are not her!" Becky's heart shattered into a million pieces. She knows the reality of her question, she just wanted clarification. " You are not worthy of me! You are nothing!"
As if Becky's hand have it's motion itself, it landed on Freen's cheek forging a loud silence and deafening intensity of flames. Freen's face slightly twitch reliving the aching of her left cheek.
"I am your wife Freen! Now if you cannot respect me as your wife at least respect me as a human being! You freaking dare tell me i'm a nobody when you just fuck me two nights ago and your claiming that you didn't! You tell me I am a whore, why? Did I ever let someone touched me aside from you?" Becky gritted her teeth. " Your telling me I am a whore when you are totally describing yourself!" Becky picked her folded clothes from the sofa before walking up towards her room to pack all her things.
This is it.
This is her dead end.
She wanted escape and right now this house is her dangerous zone. She needed to go, or else she will lose her mind repeating the remnants of seeing Freen banging another human being in this very house.
Becky didn't care anymore if her luggage is neat or not, all she wanted to do is get out. " You wanted me out of your business so i'm doing you a favor! I'm getting out of your life!" She proclaimed the moment she finished packing her things. There, Freen's face changes, as if she don't want Becky to leave, as she wanted to hold Becky back and tell her to refrain her from leaving.
" You can't leave." She curtly replied slumping back ok the sofa.
"Yes I can, and I will!"
"Becca! Please i'm still having headaches, let's talk about this tomorrow." She pleaded trying to drop the growing tension but Becky is not taking her decision back. It is said, and it is final.
"No Freen! No one's talking tomorrow and we will never talk again! Starting today, I’m not going to think about you or wonder how you’re doing. I’m going to use that time and think about what I have to do, what I need to accomplish and who I need to be. I’m not going to waste any more time looking at my phone, waiting for a call or a message. I’m not going to waste any more time waiting for you." She started, her eyes started feeling numb from all the crying she did and she feel so tired of wasting any more tears for this woman. " So today, I’m choosing myself. Today, I’m putting myself first. Today may just be one day but it’s more than that to me. It’s the beginning of a decision that will probably last forever. It’s the beginning of a new life that you’re not in. It’s the beginning of me not choosing you. It’s the beginning of me forgetting you."
Beknowst from Becky's awareness, Freen's heart clenched with each moving second thinking about living alone, living without Becky, and living with her traumas again. She admit that she is the reason why Becky decided to cut all their ties and she pushed Becky to her limit leading their sudden stop midway, no matter how people see it, it was Freen's fault at all.
"It’s easy to choose others every day because the thought of them makes you smile and adds rhythm to your humdrum days. It’s easy to make up scenarios and write love stories based on what you feel and it’s easy to lose your days trying to be part of someone else’s day and someone else’s life but it also drains you when you’re the only one thinking, you’re the only one trying and you’re the only one living a fantasy. So i'm sorry, I can't be the same Becca before, the Becca who will take all the pain because she is crazy in love with you, I can't be the same Becky who chooses you everyday, I can't be the same Becca you used to know. Today, i’m choosing myself the way you choose yourself every single day. Today, I choose me because I am worthy of my own love and happiness."
Becca's footsteps heavy carrying all the feelings she bottled up, she tried suppressing her pain, but she couldn't.
" I have put others before myself for far too long. This time, I am standing up for my voice within, that just can’t be silenced, no matter how hard others may try. This time, I am choosing myself. And I hope if you love again, in the near future or the day after tomorrow, choose her, but I know you will always choose her, that's something she have that I can't have. But I hope she will also do the same for you."
Becky left.
Leaving all the years of marriage with Freen, she left for good, in favor of Freen, and in order to save her sanity left that keeps her sane. Behind close doors, Freen's heart swell with pain and regrets, she admit that she's not catching any feelings towards her wife but parts of her aches for her departure. But she swallows it hard and let Becky leave her behind, if that's what makes her happy.
Becky's mind repeated the same scene igniting the hole in her heart, she then sighed rubbing the cloth of her stomach feeling the growing life in her womb, her left hand held her pregnancy result and the right one held their divorce papers. It was far. from Becky's wildest dream to be carrying Freen's child, they were not expecting the IVF to occur so soon, they were just trying if it will work because the first one failed so she thought the second one would also be the same, but right now their is a little life living within her. Freen's child.
"Are you sure about this?" Richie asked her sister as he pick her up in Thailand so both of them can fly back to England.
"Richie for the love of god stop asking over and over again. Would I even be in this car if i'm not sure?" She replied. Richie just nodded avoiding to cause any stress to her sister.
"She never really tried did she?" He inquired peeking ay the front mirror to look at his sister.
"If she wanted to she would, i'm the only one trying Richie, not her. "
"But you tried changing her."
Becky flashed him a stern look.
"And that's my biggest mistake Richie." She replied, she look at the window memorizing the highlights of Thailand. " Changing Freen is my greatest mistake... Because we can't make somebody be somebody they're not."
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