billie eilish mental health imagines

bridge⚠️

i can't do this anymore.

good.

that's something that i seem to being saying a lot, especially more recently but this time i truly mean it.

i don't want to keep living like this and nothing is going to stop me this time, not even those who i love.

then end it.

nothing, and i mean nothing, is going right in any way and i feel like i'm constantly messing things up.

you are. 

but truly i can't keep going on like this, i'd rather be dead than have to fight like this every single day.

so do it no one would miss you.

deep down i know that someone probably would miss but no one comes to mind right now.

so what's stopping you?

nothing i guess.

maybe it's my time.

"hey bil?" i questioned.

she looked up from her phone before nodding to let me know that she had  acknowledged me.

"what's up?" she asked.

it was my turned process her words before i knew exactly what she was saying.

she can't know.
she'll stop you from being happy.
do you want that?

"i was thinking of going on a walk, do you wanna come?" i replied.

deep down i hoped that she would say yes, stopping me from going through with my current plan

although i was disappointed by her response, not expecting her to turn down my offer. 

"i think i'll pass, i need to sort these meetings out." she told me.

see she doesn't care about you.
no one cares about you.
they all want you gone.

i nodded before going to grab my shoes, struggling with the laces as i tried to get out of there as quickly as possible.

"are you okay?" she questioned.

but i didn't reply.

the longer i hung around and got myself into conversation, i knew that i would put myself off.

so go.
leave.
she doesn't want you around anymore.

"logan, what's wrong?" she pushed.

i shook my head, unsure of how i was going to avoid getting to involved with the conversation.

just be harsh.
she'll give up soon enough.

"i'm okay bil, i just need to clear my head." i told her.

my tone was a little harsher than i had expected as i struggled to fight off the voices control.

good girl.

"can i borrow your phone for a second?" she asked.

i nodded almost instantly, handing it to her as i finished tying my laces.

she only used it for a couple of seconds before placing it down on the ground next to me

see.
she doesn't want you to stay.
not anymore.
she's bored of you.

"thanks." she spoke before returning to the couch.

thankfully neither of us continued on with the conversation aside for a bit of small talk.