billie eilish mental health imagines

just my thoughts

why me?

who you?

what did i do wrong?

should i have fought more?

fought harder?

been stronger?

what if i was a different gender?

a different age?

if i was older?

you were younger?

would you have stopped if i was louder?

if i had spoken up more?

if i had been more firm?

if i had said no sooner?

would anything have changed if it wasn't me?

but it wasn't just me was it?

there were more.

the ones who didn't say anything and the ones who did.

but she stuck up for you so i didn't say anything.

she would have never believed me over you.

she thinks far too highly of you to even care about me.

do you know how it feels to be me?

forced into physical contact?

told that it would be better if i was dead?

constantly compared to you?

yet i still stick up for you, only because i have no other choice.

if i speak then it's going to hurt you but keep my mouth shut only hurt me.

i would scream it from the rooftops if i could to warn anyone yet if i pretend it never happened then someone else could get hurt.

maybe i'm just too weak to talk.

or too scared.

but one day i will.

one day.

just not yet.

for now you'll haunt me.

force me to cope in ways that i wish i never had to.

and yet everyone is still worried about you, not me.

_______

a/n:

definitely deleting this soon.

rambling like always

sorry