billie eilish mental health imagines

grippy sock jail⚠️

"why can't i go home?" i questioned.

the nurse opposite sighed, clearly getting annoyed with me asking the same question every second.

"you're a risk to yourself, we can't let you go without a full psych evaluation first."

she gave me the same response she had given the last twenty times that i had asked.

"seriously?" i asked.

she didn't reply this time, her head turned away from me like she decided i was now invisible to her.

"fucking bitch." i muttered under my breath.

without answering she stood up from the chair and left the room for some reason.

i felt myself roll my eyes at how blunt she was and just how awful she made me feel.

but it was something that i found myself getting used to the more time my mental illnesses sent me to the hospital.

no one wanted to trust a fucked up girl like me, they just treated me like an animal and claimed that it was my fault.

"logan?" i heard someone say.

you deserve it.
they all want to hurt you and you're just letting them do as they please.

"shut up!" i spoke in response to the voices.

it was clear that i was irritated by what they were saying but still i opened my eyes, hoping that i could stop my getting trapped inside my head.

although i only had a few seconds to take in the scenery around me before a sharp scratch in my thigh sent my body into total darkness.

-

they fucking drugged me.

i did nothing to make them think that i would cause them any harm but still they sedated me like some kind of animal.

and by the time i came round, my body was tired but i was now even more agitated than before.

"you don't get to do that to me!" i shouted, pounding on the window.

i was no longer in the room that i had been previously, i was now in a room with only a mattress on the floor.

they had taken my bed away because they claimed that it was too dangerous.

a bed?
too dangerous?
what did they expect me to do with a bed?
run myself over with it?

"you need to calm down." the security guard spoke from outside.

i felt the rage building up inside of me as i pounding on the window with my fists, allowing all my energy to be taken out on that.

"get me out of here! i'm not a fucking animal!" i screamed.

my voice was already becoming hoarse as i begged for them to let me out of this transparent box.

"miss i need you to calm down or we'll have to use force." the security guard spoke calmly.

i shook my head, backing away from the window at the thought of being pinned down like some sort of science experiment.

you deserve it.
you're crazy.
you're out of control.

my fingers rushed to my head, pulling at the hairs in an attempt to silence the voices.

but the second that it didn't work, the voices took control of my body as i begged to take over.

i found my body running forwards in the window, it was only made of plastic so it wasn't very stable but still it held my force.

"cody grey seclusion, code grey seclusion. instant backup needed." i heard a radio sound.

but no matter how much i wanted to stop, the voices had taken over and i couldn't calm myself down.

"i need you to calm down miss." the security guard continued to repeat.

i couldn't calm down, i couldn't think straight, i couldn't even do or say anything.

the sound of the key in the lock on the door, the sound of the door hitting the wall as it was pushed open with such force.

i felt multiple hands grab ahold of me as i screamed for them to let to, to let me live because i felt like i was dying.

"no get off me please!" i begged, my shouts turning to wails as the voices hold broke on me.

but the second that i felt my control return, i found myself kicking out in frustration.

"stop resisting!" one of the men shouted.

i felt them grab ahold of a limb each, pinning me down before using all of their weight to stop me from moving.

my body was totally exhausted but the pressure that i felt only spurred me on more to fight them.

"get your hands off me!" i screamed.

the men to my left began to laugh, a pure evil chuckle that only made my skin crawl.

i knew that i wasn't innocent in this situation but surely i didn't deserve to be treated like that?

"what do you think you're laughing at?" i questioned.

he ignored me, continuing to laugh at me as i struggled against his trip as his nail dug into my skin.

i felt myself yelp at the pain but not once did any attempt to help me, they just held me down and watched it happen. 

"have you calmed down yet?" the man questioned with a smirk on his face.

i could feel my blood boiling but i chose to speak calmly, hoping that it would help my situation.

"yes." i sighed.

his grip loosened slightly although his nails were still piercing my skin and causing me excruciating pain.

i felt my muscles going limp and almost weak as i laid there, my eyes beginning to become heavy as darkness fell.

-

constant noise...

screams.
cries.
shouts.
voices.
scraping.
tapping.
singing.
laughing.

that's all i've heard having been stuck in what i'd like to call jail for the past thirteen hours.

i've counted all the hours since i came here, not that i have a clock to check the time but it feels like it's been ages.

no one's spoken to me or even looked at me since i arrived, expect this one girl across from me who thinks i'm trying to hurt her.

i was told to settle in but how can i settle in to somewhere that feels so alien?

somewhere that i don't feel safe?

somewhere that i'm scared for my safety?

somewhere that no one cares about me?

somewhere so cold?

somewhere so filled yet empty at the same time?

somewhere so loud yet filled with silence?

somewhere that i'm now supposed to call home?

somewhere that will be my resting place indefinitely because i don't see myself making it out of here alive.

i'll be leaving in a body bag.

________

a/n:

i know it's short and i'm sorry if it doesn't make any sense, honestly just tired from my body being broken lol