billie eilish mental health imagines

attempt⚠️

i climbed out of bed, being careful not to stir anyone in the house as i headed towards the door to put my shoes on.

don't even think about turning around.
this is your only chance.
you'll finally be at peace.

my shaking hand held onto the handle of the door, pushing it down before pulling it open as quietly as possible, making sure to close the door quietly behind me.

this is it, this is the moment i've been waiting for my whole life because i'm finally going to be free.

and no longer a burden to those around you.
no one will miss you.

my heart was racing as i began to run down the streets away from my house.

you have no reasons to stay anymore.
you don't deserve to live.
it's over for you now.

i gripped tightly onto the bottle of pills in my hand as i ran to the closest park that i could find.

the streets were surprisingly busy for the time of night, well early morning, filled with people.

but the noise was too much for me, my shaking hands racing up to my ears to try and block out the sound.

just think of the relief you'll feel when you're gone.

and that was all i could hang onto, hoping that it would make me feel better in some way.

i stepped out onto the road, although someone pulled me back before a car went zooming by.

"are you okay?" they questioned.

stay strong.
they don't know.
it'll be over soon.

although it was obvious that i wasn't, i nodded. refusing to look at them incase i broke down and they figured out how i actually was.

a tear fell down my face as they walked away from me, longing for them to have told me that they knew that i wasn't okay. hoping that they would've stopped me.

but then you would've broken down, given in, given up.
you would've hurt them.

i crossed the road, this time looking for cars before i stepped out, but running across in fear.

it was almost funny to me that i was scared of dying when i wasn't in control but i was happy to die when i was.

that's because it gives you power.
when you're in control it's your choice.

i stumbled into the park, my body was shaking from the cold temperature but i didn't care, i felt free.

you'll feel more free when you're dead.
no one can tell you what to do anymore. 

i looked around, searching for the closest secluded spot to continue what i came here for.

the pills were still in their bottle, being held firmly in place by my hand and i wasn't willing to let go of them.

finally i came across a spot concealed by multiple trees that hid me from everyone's view.

now's your chance.
go on, do it.

i positioned myself so i was behind the branches of the trees, allowing my body to slump down again the heartwood of the tree.

my shaking hand reached for the top of the bottle, before pushing down and twisting it.

come on, hurry up.
do it before anyone stops you.

but the thought in the back of my mind was stopping me from finishing what i already had planned.