billie eilish mental health imagines

goodbye⚠️

my letters are written, at least the ones that are address to the people i care about the most.

care about?
you don't even know how to do that.

the plan is in place, for the most part at least.

almost every single detail is written down and has a backup just incase it fails.

fails?
seriously?

now all that i have left to do is say my goodbyes and let myself drift away as peacefully as possible.

i don't want to suffer.

not anymore.

it's my time to go now and i just have to hope that everyone accepts that i just can't fight it anymore.

i'm too tired to try.

too tired to think.

too tired to even breathe now.

you won't be anymore.
everything will be better.

picking myself up out of bed feels exhausting as i haul my heavy body towards it's doom.

the distant shouts of my siblings playing was enough for me to dream about what their lives will be like.

how much better they will be without me.

they won't have to share our parents time with me and i won't bring their mood down ever.

they'll be able to innocent and happy without me.

you're just in the way of them.
they don't even want you.

i headed straight to the bathroom, my body shaking as i tried to find the best place to meet my fate.

eventually deciding that if i was to enter an awful state then it would be better for me to be away from everyone.

why don't you want them to see what they did to you?
everyone deserves revenge.

i shut the door behind to me to deter any unwanted visitors as i opened the cabinet to reveal my stash.

packet upon packet of pills that i had accumulated over the past few months stared back at me.

my hands pulled each packet from the cabinet before placing them down in the sink below.

and then i began the tedious process of popping each individual pill while building a pile of them.

are you sure you've got enough?
this can't fail.

the increasingly big pile infront of me gave the courage to keep pushing forward as i reached the end of the packers.

every pill was now sat infront of me, waiting to go on an adventure inside my body and i couldn't wait.

i longed for my pain and suffering to be over.

my hands suddnely scrambled to push as many pills as they could into my mouth; fistful after fistful.

pill by pill they slipped down my throat..

i choked a couple of times as i found myself getting a little too familiar with the taste in my mouth but overall they went down pretty well.

and once i was done, i scrambled to grab the pen before deciding on what i wanted to write.

just get it over with.

totally unsure of what could possibly explain what i was about to do.

or even try my best to make any excuses for the things that i had done and am about to do.

my shaky hand scribbling down the most important things that i wanted to say.

every individual letter being so specific to them that i struggled to hold back my emotions.

although my writing was cut short as the pills began to take affect, my body struggling to function.

i felt myself stumbled around, struggling to keep my balance as my vision began to become spotty.

although within seconds i was on the floor as my legs collapsed underneath me and i landed with a thud.

my body began to shake, struggling to contain the affect that the pills were having on me.

i could feel myself slipping as i tried my best to hold on for as long as i possibly could.

my arm grabbing ahold of my stomach as shooting pain replaced my lower abdomen.

slowly but surely reality began to hit and i began to allow screams to pour from my mouth.

"no please! i don't want to die!" i shouted.

i scrambled around infront of me, struggling to grab ahold of anything that would help me.

although i was just too weak to do anything so i had no choice but allow myself to enter defeat.

suddenly i felt my body fall backwards as the notes slipped out my hand, my back slamming into the wall as my eyes closed.

darkness inevitably taking over.

free at last..

yet i now wished i wasn't.

_______

a/n:

this is something i guess

unchecked