billie eilish mental health imagines

you won't forget me⚠️

a/n:

this chapter will not include billie or logan or anyone specifically named due to what it's about.

i don't normally put these at the start but given that this is so realistic (it literally happened) i need you to be aware.

this is about sexual assault/rape so please please don't read it if you will get triggered in any way.

i have tried to leave the worst parts our of it so it's not too gory or anything.

i'm not trying to upset anyone at all, i just want this out of my head in the hope that it doesn't keep coming back.

and i also don't want sympathy from this, it happened a while ago and doesn't anymore.

also if anyone needs to talk then please please tell me, i'm here and i'm happy to be talked to or ranted to.

i won't be checking this for obvious reasons but i hope there aren't many mistakes.

once again, please don't read this if you're going to find yourself getting triggered.

and i'm sorry in advance.

______

"meet me in the bathroom in a second." he whispered.

i watched as he climbed off of the lower bunk bed and walked towards the bathroom door.

my eyes instantly following him as he wandered into the bathroom, terrified that he would hide somewhere to scare me.

should i follow him?
should i pretend to be asleep?

this situation was nothing new and everytime that our parents were busy or distracted, i found myself at his command.

my shaky hands pulled back the covers before scooting down to the end of the bed before climbing down the ladder.

why are you doing this?
just hide and pretend to be asleep.
you know what's coming.

once i had reached the bottom, i used my weak legs to walk into the bathroom with my hands tightly clenched into fists.

it never got easier knowing that i was succumbing to the same fate as i had previously.

completely unsure and unaware of what mood he would be in or what he would ask me to do today.

it's going to be bad.
you know it is.

my heart pounded as i pushed the door open, only able to see him in the mirrors that faced me.

however the second that he saw me,  his hands grabbed ahold of me as i was dragged inside with force.

why am i doing this?
get me out of here.
should i scream?

i felt my lungs try to force out a scream as i scrambled to pull away from his tight grip on.

"you'll wake them up, shut up." he whispered.

his voice was husky, not like i was used to and i knew that there was no way for me to reason with him.

i would bound to be forced to do what he wanted eventhough i longed to just curl up in bed.

"what do you want?" i asked timidly.

he didn't reply, pulling my yellow nightie up before forcing himself onto me as i fought against him.

never once did he speak only to let me know that i was his slave and that no one could help me.

i knew this was gonna happen.
why did i put myself through this again?

after a while his movements became unbearable, a stinging between my legs causing me to wince.

my face contorting in to many different shapes as i tried to hold back my screams and shouts of pain.

no one must know about this.

"no! please stop!" i shouted, the pain becoming too much.

his movements instantly became much rougher as i found myself falling forward from the pain.

he's not going to let me out of here alive.
this is it, it's all over.

i felt his grip on my hips becoming tighter as i began to scrambled to touch everything in sight.

my fear was that i wasn't going to leave this room without him doing something to me so i tried to run.

"where do you think you're going?" he questioned through gritted teeth.

and when i heard those words, i knew that there was no way out of this now until he was done with me.

"just let me go! i won't say anything i promise!" i begged.

but deep down he didn't care about me saying anything, he knew what he wanted and wouldn't stop until he got it.

so instead of letting me go, he just forced me to participate in more things that i didn't want to do.

"i don't want to do this!" i continued to remind him.

of course he didn't care about my feelings, i was just there to fulfill his needs and that was it.

"you only have to do this and then you can go." he reassured me.

just do it.
you'll get out of there quicker.

however one thing turned into two and then into a few more, until my body was stingy and aching from giving in.

i not longer had the will to fight anymore and by the time i eventually broke free, i was too exhausted to care.

sure i wanted to get out there and hide but i was just so numb that i struggled to realise what had happened.

"you need to go back first and then i will in three minutes so it doesn't look suspicious." he told me.

my head nodded along to what he was saying as i pulled my underwear up, hissing in pain.

i felt myself almost run to the door as i gripped onto the handle with my shaky hand.

"if you tell anyone about this, i won't be the one that gets in trouble, you will because you agreed to do it." he reminded me as i left.

he always said the same thing to me after every event, forcing me to remember those words only.

"what were you doing in there?" my mom questioned.

i jumped at her voice, visibly scared by the sudden loud noise. 

and as i stood there i tried to come up with a good enough lie so that he wouldn't have another reason to hurt me.

"oh he just needed some toilet paper so i got him some." i lied to her.

she nodded to let me know that she accept my excuse before returning to her room.

i raced back to my bed, falling on the ladder as i hide myself under the cover and allowed the tears to fall from my eye.

my hands gripped tightly to my teddy bear as it was the only thing that i knew wouldn't hurt me anymore.

is that the last time?
will that happened again?

suddenly i felt my bed lift, his foot pushing my mattress in the air as the torture continued.

"you better not have said anything." he whispered.