billie eilish mental health imagines

flashback⚠️

trigger warning: mention of physical abuse

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i could feel my hand beginning to tap lightly on the desk as my senses heightened, overwhelmed by the sounds that surrounded me.

a once familiar setting now becoming almost alien to me as i tried my best to continue to ground myself in the only way that i knew how.

truthfully i was overwhelmed by the idea of not having completed the homework that i needed for my first lesson.

did i do it last night?

have i packed it in my bag?

did i do it correctly?

these thoughts were predominant in my mind as a once so simple task had become so hard for me to try and accomplish.

"hey lo!" i heard someone say, their voice seemingly mumbled in the high-pitched sound that surrounded it.

i can't answer them.

what if i embarrass myself?

what if i say the wrong thing?

i'm so scared.

i need to leave.

how do i tell them that i need to leave?

am i safe?

i felt something brush against my arm which caused me to pull away, lifting my hands to face in an attempt to protect it incase i got hit.

unfortunately i found this becoming a more regular occurrence as the flashbacks from my childhood seemed to have resurfaced once again.

i bent over, hiding my face as it was her 'favourite' place to hit.

mommy hitting me scared me cause i didn't know why she did it.

she said that only 'bad girls get hit' but i'm not a bad girl.

i promise i'm not a bad girl.

i felt myself slipping back into my past, my body returning to the fight or flight that i experienced back then.

however, even though i could fight it, it was almost dangerous for me to drag myself out of the flashbacks too early.

"logan? can you hear me?" they questioned, their voice only sounding more withdrawn this time.

my body felt weak and tired, exhausted after having to relive the trauma that i used to face daily.

i'm hiding in a cupboard.

mommy's mad at me again.

i haven't done anything wrong, i promise i haven't!

mommy's breath smells funny and she's angry.

i can hear her footsteps, they're comi...

i felt myself let out a sob, choking at the thought of younger me being so terrified.

although i was a little confused to be dragged from the thought, confusing my past with reality as the thin line blurred.

my body was now totally overwhelmed with emotions as it was prematurely brought back to reality.