billie eilish mental health imagines

safe

i'm scared and lost, there's demons screaming in my head.

do it!
just one more!
it's worth it!

but as my heart continues to pound against my ribcage, i find myself beginning to slip further away from reality.

into this dream world that i have created in my head.

where his hands didn't roam around my body and i was infact safe, eventhough my thoughts were a total maze.

everything seems so big and scary in the outside world but when i'm shut away, it no longer hurts.

the pain that i feel is taken away but it's replaced by the memories of my childhood that hold me tight.

just get away.
you don't know who's safe anymore.
everyone's capable of hurting you.

they refuse to allow me to get hurt anymore, their tight grip only getting tighter as the demons try to pull me away.

"can you help? is anyone there?" i shout.

my voice seems to echo into the abyss but no one replies, not daring to help me as they knew that i was doomed.

no one can help you.
no one is safe.

i can hear my heart pounding in my head, like constant background noise that never leaves but only gets worse.

not daring to move, i drop myself down to the floor in the hope that being closer to the ground would protect me.

my thoughts seem scattered, confused and hazy but to me they were logic, carefully thought out and planned.

crazy seems about right.
stop disobeying us.
get gone now.

"are you okay?" someone speaks, their voice extremely loud.

the deafening silence was now broken but that only caused me to revert further into my mind.

i had no idea who this stranger was or why they were talking to me, could they even care about me?

no they won't. 
no one does.

my eyes opened, slightly covered by my hands as i studied their face to try and come to a conclusion.

their coloured hair was most noticeable thing about their appearance but i was still put off by how big they seemed in comparison to me.

why was i so small?

"are you okay angel?" they questioned, moving closer.

my mind attempts to pull me from this world, trying to force me back to the voices like a sort of sacrifice.

but my childhood is gripping too tightly onto me so i reply, only babbles seem to leave my mouth.

a baby?
are you serious?

"what was that sweet girl?" the person questioned.

i lifted my hand and attempt to point to me head, alerting them to the fact that i was certainly not brain dead.

my personality still shone through as i continued to babble, my fingers lightly tapping my head as i longer for them to listen.

"does your head hurt angel?" they questioned.

i felt myself nod, thankfully not losing control of my muscles or many of my fine motor skills this time.

they hand softly touch my cheek causing me to smile, the thought of them now being safe swirled around my mind.

they're not safe.
you can't get attached again.

my body scuttled backwards although i longed to fall into the strangers arms, hoping that they would keep me safe.

"i'm billie, what's your name?" they questioned.

billie?
a boy?

instantly i moved further backwards, hating that fact that i was in a male's presence.

"it's okay, you're safe with me. no one's going to hurt you." they reassured me.

and for a stranger they seemed so kind, although i knew not to trust how anyone acted towards me.

i was always taught stranger danger...

but this stranger seemed different.

"y/n." i muttered, suddenly finding my voice.

their lips returned a warm smile in response to my answer which only made me want them more.

i felt the tight grip that my childhood had on me loosen, letting me know that i was infact right.

billie was safe.

i was safe.

_____

a/n:

i have no idea what this is but i just felt so shit that i decided to write my feelings and turn it into a chapter i guess

please don't hate me for this