Change My Mind

12 - Regrets

I woke up on my bed Sunday around noon, and my head was so heavy I nearly couldn't lift it from the pillow. Lights were blinding me from the window in my bedroom, because I hadn't bothered closing the blinds when I stumbled in the door some time after two o'clock in the morning. I had thrown my coat on the floor, kicked my shoes off and thrown myself on my bed on top of all the clothes I hadn't put away, before I left for O'Neill's. 

My mouth was as dry as a desert and once I finally got my butt off the bed and scurried to the kitchen sink, I filled an entire pint glass with water from the faucet and downed most of it in one go. I leaned against the kitchen counter, hugging the glass of water and tried to gather my thoughts and remember what had happened the night before. 

We stayed in the pub until it closed at 2AM. Niall and I had danced a bit I recalled, but I was pretty drunk by then. I couldn't keep up with the two of them when it came to drinking, so I had to stop before them. The amount of alcohol I had consumed, had loosened me up a lot though, and suddenly images of me sitting in Harry's lap and messing with his hair flooded my memory. I cringed at the memory and wished I could have kept it repressed. A bunch of people had joined us, people Niall had invited to sit at the booth with us, which meant there wasn't much room left. So I had crawled into Harry's lap to free some space. I had placed his arm around me, while I held my arm around his neck and played with his hair. 

"Christ on a fucking bike, El..." I mumbled to myself as memories started flooding back. 

He had been very calm and collected, holding onto me so I didn't fall off him, but he had in no way taken advantage of the situation. I recalled having placed my hand on his cheek and looked at his face for a while. "You have really beautiful eyes," I said to him, and as I stood there in my kitchen, hungover and paying the price for drinking too much, the shame covered me like a mist. He smiled at me and thanked me. "So do you," he said and then he suggested we get some fresh air. There was a memory of me leaning against the wall outside of the pub, my teeth clattering because it was freezing cold and I had gone out without my coat, even though he told me I should wear it. He had pulled me into his chest and warmed me by rubbing my back. I leaned my face against his chest and... The horror would take no end when I remembered I had looked up at him and said "Liv cheated. I met you first." 

I put the glass of water down and went to the bathroom and turned the shower on. While I undressed a couple of other memories came to me. He had cupped my face in his hands and said I was cute when I was drunk. I had hugged him really tightly which made him chuckle and stroke my hair. 

Looking at myself in the mirror was nearly impossible. I brushed my teeth while trying to keep at bay all memories that came flooding back to me. I had wanted him to kiss me, but he said something. What did he say? 

I showered and got dressed in my sweatpants and hoodie and crawled back into bed. I rummaged around for my bag in the huge pile of clothes that I just slid onto the floor. My phone was dead, so I had to charge it immediately to see what messages I had sent and received. I hoped I hadn't sent anything to Liv or called for that matter. She would never speak to me again if I had drunk called her and told her I made out with Harry. 

There was a series of messages from Harry. I groaned at how hard it made my stomach turn with butterflies.