Bucky/Seb oneshots

(Bucky) SH

Triggers: SH, unaliving thoughts

I shook as I calmly walked to my room.

We had all just returned from a Hydra mission and I barely spoke the whole ride back.

I had been begging Tony and Steve to let me go. I'd been on other missions before, but nothing Hydra based.

Since the team rescued me from their experiments I had been having so many traumatic responses. Nightmares. Flashbacks. The works.

The only person who really got it, and was helping me work through it, was Bucky.

So when the guys consulted him as to whether I could come on this mission he agreed it. He thought I was ready. So did I.

That was, until I got there. The moment I saw those uniforms, those banners, I knew I was going to have a major setback. But I couldn't while I was there. Not after my reassurances to the team and my persistent begging to let me go.

As we left in the jet I stayed silent the whole time. Not daring the look or speak to any of the other agents or the team. Focusing intensely on my negative thoughts. I knew what I had to do to get them to stop.

Finally, I got to my room and closed the door.
Silence.
Perfect for my thoughts to run free in.

I headed straight for the bathroom and unclipped my 'special' piece of metal from under my sink.

As I sat on the cold tiles the flashbacks joined me there. Bursts of the officers who tortured me appeared right infront of me. With their thick accents and heavy breath warming my face. I could have sworn I was there it was so vivid.

I had to come out of it. So I cut. Just my leg. Just a little.
But it didn't stop.

Tears ran down my face as I continued making marks on myself over and over. Deeper and harsher as I went.

"Y/N!" I heard another voice shout. This one hadn't been in my memory before.

I was suddenly held tightly by two arms wrapping snugly around me. The metal piece knocked from my grasped. I didn't know what it was, but I gripped back as I wailed.

"Doll what are you doing?!" Bucky was the only person who used that name for me.

"I...they..." I panted between my cries, "they wouldn't stop!"

He stroked my hair as he rocked me gently. "Ssshh" He hushed me, "You're not there anymore. You're here. With me. Safe." He lifted his head away slightly, "fuck I should have never let you on that mission" He cursed himself

"I saw them Buck," I wheezed, "right here infront of me. I had to feel something here. And something real"

He kissed the top of my head as he continued to comfort me in his arms. "You're so strong Doll," he sighed again, "they've hurt you enough. Don't carry on that shit for them"

"I don't know how to stop," I cried. "Or if it will ever stop, until ...."

"Here" He said as he took a hand to pull off his dog tags, "these are mine from the war. If you need to feel something then hold onto these. Just until you come and find me"

I shook my head, "I can't take these Bucky. They mean so much to you"

"You mean more to me than anything y/n" He kissed my head again, "You're not in this alone and you haven't done anything wrong, so don't punish yourself. You're going to make it through this. We both are"

I leaned on his chest as I gathered my breath and composed myself.

He gently lifted my onto the counter and grabbed the first aid kit. I'd never seen him as careful as when he wrapped up my leg in bandages, being so attentive not to catch any.

"Better?" He smiled at me. I nodded and I wiped my face from the tears. "You're going to stay in my room for a while Doll. Just so I know you're safe okay?" I nodded again.

He carried me effortlessly to his bed and lay me flat as he fussed ofter the blankets so I was comfortable.

"Thank you" I mumbled as I sank into the pillow, exhausted from the last hour.

He stripped down to his underwear and climbed in bed next to me. His metal arm soothed the swelling of my leg and allowed me to drift into a peaceful sleep.

"I've got you Doll," he whispered to me, "I'll never let anyone hurt you. Not even yourself"