Starlight

-8-

Asher___

Today's Sunday. You know what that means? I'm going to church with my family.
I will love to stay home but mum doesn't know.
It'll break her if she did.

"Baby, hurry up!" She yelled from downstairs. Man! This isn't my best day.
I need to think of an excuse. I can't go to church.
Why should I?
I don't want to.

"Asher Storm!"
I guess I should have lodged in a hotel 'cause mum's annoying me this very minute.
"I'm coming!" I yell back clenching my jaw tightly.

"We are gonna be late. Would you love if I dress you up? It'll be faster." I frown at her words.
No!
That's a big shame.
I'm not a baby neither a kid.
I'm all grown, mum.

I sigh taking one last look around my room until my eyes find a Bible.
My Bible.
Should I go with it?
I should.
I go over to the table, pick it up and my phone.
I turn to leave my room.

"About time, princess Amber. We've been waiting for you." That definitely is from Charlotte.
"I'm a man."
"A princess in a man's body." She nodded picking up her handbag.

"Annoying." I sneered. Charlotte went over to her car, I go after her. Can't stand being with my parents now.
She dropped her bag in the backseat, getting into the car.
I slid into the passenger's seat.
I don't have my car here.

"Good morning to you," I say to her with my eyes focused ahead.
"You slept good?" She asked igniting the engine, reversing out of the garage to the streets.

"Yes, thanks for asking." I said in a monotone.
"Are you still mad at me about Friday? You haven't spoken to me much since then." She finally notice. Of course, I am. She shouldn't have said that. It's none of her business.

Just because I let her butt into my life doesn't mean she could make sneaky comments and expect me to stay calm.
I won't.
Especially if it all dates back to her.

                                 ***
"If today's your very first time of worshipping with us, can you please stand on your feet. Let's pray for you." Once the moderator announces that, a few stood to their feet. While, I'm not new.
I've been to this church since my teens.
But I'm rarely here.

"God bless you brethren for coming here. Church, let's bow our heads to God and pray for our newcomers." The rest of the congregation bows and begin to pray. I do bow but I couldn't find the words.
How do I start?
How do you start praying?
What am I doing?
Why am I even thinking about prayer?
What will I gain?

"Asher, we are done." I hear Charlotte mutter from beside me.
"I'm sorry, do you need more quiet time?"
Do I even observe quiet time?
Of course, I can't say that.
"No, I'm fine."

She qives me that quizzical look. I find myself uncomfortable under her watch.
"Charlotte, focus!" I almost cry out of frustration. She breaks from whatever she was in, muttering a quick apology before turning her full attention to the moderator.

After a while, the minister finally comes up to the pulpit. I'm left to battle with my inner demons throughout the sermon.
I feel so uneasy and disturbed. I want to leave this room.

I want to make a dash for the exit.
What excuse should I think of?
I don't belong here.
I can't be here.
I don't know what I'm doing here.
Right, mom.

I can't take it anymore. I'm leaving.
At this point, I'm glad we took the back seats.

Oh Asher, way to go with your slow ass.

Well I wasn't slow. It was deliberate. I just wished mum will let me be once she realised I was gonna end up making them miss half of the service.
But no!
She waited and kept yelling for me to hurry up.

Standing up from my seat with the curious eyes of my parents, most especially, my mum on me. I don't bother to acknowledge them.
I left to restroom with just my phone. I left the Bible behind. I can't go back to get it, mum will probably ask questions or make me wait until service's over.

I go into a stall closest to me, leaning on the wall.
Why did I feel restless?
I hate to admit this but I feel a pull towards the church. It felt like I was being called.

Once I felt that way, I zoned out completely from the sermon.
I have fought a lot of demons today, I'm not ready for this one.

My phone dinged with a notification.
A message from Charlotte.

Are you okay? You looked lost.

Oh Char, I'm lost.
I'm so lost.
I'm running round in circles, probably running from memories of Emily to Rose.
I'm constantly in the a tight air ripped room almost choking with everything.
I don't know but it feels I'm being pulled into darkness.

That darkness is a constant reminder that I'm lost.
And probably, never to be found.
I could compare my life to a person being deliberately ducked into a 5ft deep pool, fighting and struggling for my life with no help nearby.

I feel suffocated and drained.

I'm good. I think I came down with sth, might not come back in. Take my stuffs with you, okay?

I typed a reply to her. I want to leave. I don't have my cars here and mum's with the keys.
Few minutes later, my phone's screen lit up with a notification. She texted back.

Will do. Take care 🤍.

I take deep breaths before leaving there. I walk out of the church through the backdoor. I don't know what to do or where to go. I checked the time, 11:54.
Service's will soon be over.
I just recall a friend of mine living close by.

Anthony. He's a white boy. More like the only pure breed of American in my clique of friends.
After Dean is Anthony for me. He's a close bud.
I rummage through my pocket searching for my phone. I found it, flipping it open to click on Anthony's contact.

He picks up onñ the third ring.
"Yoo buddy, been a while." I hear his enthusiastic voice from my phone.
"I know. I'm in New Jersey, kinda need your help with something." I go straight to the point. Might keep the pleasantries till we meet.

"Aye, what would that be?" I don't know why he tries to mimic that black accent but he should do well and stop 'cause he sounds funny.
"I'll be coming over for a hour or 30 minutes or so. I need to a place to stay for that duration."

"Is something the matter? You in trouble?" He suddenly switch from chirpy to worried father hen in a matter of seconds that I wonder if his face and voice don't hurt.
"I'm all good. I just need the distraction."

"Is it Rosebery?" I went silent for a while once the nickname for Rose blurted out of his mouth. I think he noticed my uneasiness at the mention of her name.
He wasn't a fan of her though.
Never liked her.

I don't know why.
"Anthony.." my voice came out thick and with warning. I hear the sound of him clicking his tongue.
"Aiit. Don't know why you still holding on to that cheating whore."

Okayyy. That does it.
Who says I'm still holding on?
All I want to do is to see her and hurt her like she did to me.
Am I cruel for wanting to make her life miserable like she did to mine?
But ma raised me better.

"Anthony thanks for your help but I'll pass." I said without waiting for a response from him, I hang up. I hail down a cab, heading home.
I might as well stay outside till they're home.
Won't hurt a fly.

         ***
Took me days to write this chapter. I couldn't find the words.

Have a great day!🤍