Starlight

-11-

Asher___

I'm back in NY. I hurried down to work.
While at my stay in NJ, I found a hospital I would loved to work so I could be closer to ma. NY suffocates me each time I step in.
I'll likely go talk to the head doctor in this hospital so I could finalize my transfer plans.

"Good morning, Asher." Dean walked into my office smiling brightly at me.
When I got back to NY the previous day, I went down to Dean's to have a chat and apologize for last time. It went well. I bought Debs chocolates not then did she peck my cheeks did I know she forgave me.
I promised to call and check up on her often.

"Hey, Dean. Spoken to Dr. Fred yet?" He asked coming closer to my desk. I shook my head arranging the folders on my desk.
"I heard he's not in today. Probably send an email." I utter the words standing up from my seat, coming round the table to meet him.
"Britney has been transferred to NY. So she'll be taking Debs and I'm all alone here. You are leaving too."
Britney works for the government. She's a secretary to one of the government officials.

"I'm heading to the pharmacy, mind joining me?" I inquired picking up my coat from over my seat, heading to the door.

"Yeah. Why not?" I don't know why Dean came to work today but he's not needed in the hospital today. Might as well sha his shift is tomorrow.
"Why did you come today?"

"Oh, my colleague had an emergency. So I stepped in."
I nodded in understanding. The walk to the pharmacy was quite silent.

On arriving at the pharmacy, I saw the pharmacist attending to people.
"Asher," Dean called out stopping me dead in my tracks. I spun around to face him, adjusting the lab coat on my hand.
"What's wrong?"
"Anthony called."

Alright. I am pretty much interested. I step closer to him.
"And?" I pry further.
"He said you needed a distraction from Rose. Did you meet her?" I arched a brow at that.
Dude literally twisted my words. I didn't need a distraction from Rose but from___God.

"I haven't seen Rose since she left. I didn't need a distraction from Rose."
"Then?" He pressed further.
"He said you called on a Sunday. Did you attend service? What happened?"
"I felt suffocated in Church. Dean, this isn't where we gonna have that conversation."

He took two steps backward. My black best friend flashed me a forced smile, tipped his head behind me.
"We aren't done. Dr. Fred just arrived." I abruptly turned around to walk to the direction I saw him walk pass.

                                ***
"Dr. Fred hesitated but gave in. I'll be moving on Friday." I informed Dean as we sat out in a restaurant for lunch. Deb sat by my right and left to her mum.

"I'll be moving on Saturday, gotta finalize my packing. Debs being really enthusiastic about moving out that she packed irrelevant items. I have to sort them out." We all laugh. Deb pouted at her mama, giving her best puppy eyes. That doesn't work on Bri cause she raised a brow at her and she mellowed. Those eyes sure work on me!
I can't resist them. She's so cute.

"Excuse me, I'll be back." I left the table to the restroom. After I did my business, I proceed to the sink to wash my hands. I felt someone's presence behind me. From the strong cologne I know who it is.

"You have a problem with God? Why did you feel suffocated?"

He just had to ask that.

"Dean...He left me when I needed him the most."

"God never left you. He's always by your side. Why don't you open your eyes and see that? You are making pretty wrong assumptions here." He spoke too calmly for my liking.
What does he know?
"My eyes are open." I grit my teeth glaring at him. What is he saying? My eyes are open. So wide. I'm not blind.

"No, they aren't. You are still blinded by guilt to see that. Why don't you get it? He's not the reason Em died. He's not to be blamed either. He's not to be blamed for Rose leaving. She didn't leave, you left. Stop blaming God for all that. Stop questioning Him all right." The more he spoke, the more aggregated I felt. I really want to punch him in the face.

"What do you know? When I prayed so hard for Em, why didn't he hear me?
What happened to Matthew 7:7? What happened when he said ask and ye shall be given unto you? He let me down! He didn't answer me."

"I know one thing and that is God didn't let you down. He didn't give up on you, instead you did! Asher, open your eyes. Stop falling into the devil's trap. Come back to God." I laugh so hard.
Come back to who?
God?
Why?
He let me down... didn't He?

"I'm done with this conversation."

"We haven't started. I'll prove to you that you are getting it all wrong. God still loves you. He never gave up on you. Come back to Him, Reign. He's been waiting for you." I curl my hands into a fist, resisting the urge to punch him square in the face.

You are wasting your time, Dean. You so are.

"Your family is back at the table." With that being said, I walked out leaving him all to himself. I don't know, what's his problem?

I heard someone clear their throat. Just then did I notice I absentmindedly walked to another table. A little flustered, I send a half smile their way before moving over to our table.
I lean to peck Debs' forehead before I smiled at Bri.
A forced smile.
I picked up my things and left.

I don't want to have that conversation with Dean, ever.

***
God's not responsible for what you are going through. He still loves you and never gave up on you even when you black slid.
He's been waiting for you. Hurry up and crawl your way back to Jesus.

Amen to all your secret prayers. God bless you 🤍✨