Starlight

-18-

Asher___

She ran out and I shut the door with a loud bang.
I knew this wasn't gonna end well.
I slid down the door burying my face in my palms.
She was so eerily calm and collected.
She didn't snap.
Didn't yell.
Didn't talk back.
That got me so mad.

I love you. I never stopped loving you.

I love you too.
I wanted to scream those words out. But, No. I couldn't bring myself to.

I'm scared for everyone I love dearly.

What's she scared of? She kept repeating the words. I was angry then but now thinking about it....

What's she scared of?
Why's she scared?
Who's she scared of?
What's going on?

Who's Michelle's father?
Is he threatening her?
Was she raped?
Mum talked about her being raped or being sexually assaulted.

If she didn't cheat, then she was raped.
She wouldn't be sexually assaulted.
How else would she come off it with a baby?
I saw the fear evident in her eyes. She was genuinely scared. Looking around like someone was after her.

Was she drugged?
When did it all happen?
I'm bent on finding out what exactly happened.

Maybe I should have been lenient with her. Looking at her eyes and actions, I can tell she didn't cheat.
But I'm too much of a coward to admit that.
I can tell but I'm still not certain.

I was blinded by rage when she went on rambling about me believing her.
She didn't give me a reason to.
I feel lighter now I took my anger on her.
I said the words I've been dreaming of saying to her in the face.
I did.
But why do I feel I went overboard?
Why do I feel I crushed her more?
Most importantly....

Why do I feel guilty?

I hate you so very much.

I didn't mean those words. I was quite angered. All I saw was red recalling how my life went down back then. I can still remember her recoil and flinched unconsciously when I blurted that out.

I hate that I still love you.

That's what I was dying to say. That's what my heart wanted to let her know of but my mind beat my heart to it.
I'm having an inner battle with myself.

My mind and heart don't seem to cooperate when it's about her.
It's like my mind despises her and my heart yearn for her love.
Her love.
She loves me.
She never stopped.
I never stopped too.

Do I see myself being back together with Rose?
I do.
I have dreams about it.
But it never ends well. My mind always drift back to that night.

The night I found my ex girlfriend cradling a stick.
The night I was about proposing to Rose.
The night I left.

Sometimes, I wished things went different ways.
I do blame myself for not being patient with her.
For not questioning her enough before I left.
For not listening.

I want to find out what exactly happened.
I want to know.
I hear the sound of her car moving out of my driveway.
She stayed.
Standing up from my initial position, I make a run to my room grabbing my keys.

I need to talk to Charlotte.
Maybe I'll come up with a plan.

**

"It's about time." Anthony laughed at me. He was happy about me moving back to New Jersey.

"I bumped into Rose." I leave Elle out of it. I'm not sure why but I think that's the right thing. A lot of people don't know she had a baby. They just know what I told them.

She cheated on me.

I think I'll leave it that way.
I don't miss the way his eyes darkened in anger and what's that?
The way he smirked at me, I'm getting a bad vibe.

Something doesn't feel right.
Like I really want to know what's went down between them?
Why does he hate her so much?
Wasn't he happy for me being happy them?
Why is he getting sappy about it?
About Rose?

"And what did you do? Run back to her? Like the coward you are?"
Hold on.
What's he going on about?
Who's he calling a coward?

"Anthony Davis, watch your tone with me." I glare at him, he rolled his eyes.
"No, tell me. Did you guys talk? Did she convince you to get back with her? Are you going to go back to her?" He questioned clenching his jaw, with his hardened gaze fixed on me.

"I don't know, man. Why are you getting all worked up? What's wrong with you?" I know he doesn't like Rose. Never liked her.
She tried being nice and putting up with him for me.
She tolerated him.
He throws shabby comments at her.
He glares at her.
They never agreed on anything.

"Can't I look out for you? Asher, you have been so broken because of her. You were a shell of yourself. I had always had a bad vibe to her. I never liked her being with you. She wasn't your kind of girl. I made sure to show you how much I detested your girlfriend." 
My kind of girl?

"My kind of girl you say? What's my kind of girl, Tony? You tell me." He grabbed the glass of red wine downing everything at a go.

"I'm not having that conversation with you. You are better off without Rose. Remember she cheated on you. If she could do that, she can do it again. Don't be a fool in love."

"Too late." I said with a smirk.
I'm so foolishly in love with Rose and Elle.
It's just too late for that.

"Be careful. I'm not in support of you going back to her. I won't and never will." He stood up, leaving me all to myself at the table.
So much for friends who don't judge each other.

I have never judged his lifestyle. Even when he goes about womanising, I never judged him. I've tried talking him out of it but he wouldn't bulge.
He said it's none of my business.
Then it's none of his business.

###
Do anyone like Asher?