Love is half

23

Taehyung's car smells fucking disgusting.

There's used cigarettes crashed on the floor of backseat, the front..the front reminds Jungkook of gas station. There's few packets of cigarettes, they are empty and he is sure if he lurks under the seats, he would spot more packets.

He realized he can't stand staying home and do nothing. After they ate breakfast that Jungkook ordered online, Taehyung has mentioned,

"You know how to drive?"

"Of course, what the fuck."

"Then drive me around."

"Why?'

Jungkook has no absolute idea why he is here, and why he just followed Taehyung to his car, and they are in an empty parking lot, which is near a football field, a few block away from Jungkook's apartment where Taehyung has drove them to.

"Why are you so eager for me to drive a car?" asked the younger Impatiently, his hands are caressing the steering wheel, and it's a foreign feeling because he drove car only few times, and he didn't like it.

Taehyung's eyes flickers over his, brows knitted.

"Because," He sighs, "I don't want you to walk around middle of the night or take the train in this city, it's fucking dangerous."

Jungkook stiffens visibly. He watches as multiple expression flickers over Taehyung's features when he says those words to him, brows creasing, easing and his lips twitches to say more, but Taehyung stops and pulls his lips into a thin line. Waiting for a response.

"And why do you care?" He asks, really, why does Taehyung care ?

"Because, I am your hyung. I am supposed to care."

"You didn't act like it when you left me."

Jungkook inhales sharply, it's almost he can't quite bring himself to exhale. He wants everything, an explanation, Taehyung to tell him, to put together all the shit that they have jumbled and serve it in front of Jungkook like something, something he can figure out and not like missing pieces of puzzle, but Taehyung is confusing, confusing than any missing puzzle, hard to picture.

Jungkook thinks it is because Taehyung is the one who cheated. Jungkook didn't. Hell, Jungkook adored him to death. He thought Taehyung is all he needs.

"Jungkook." Taehyung shifts in his seat, rubbing the edge of the shirt that Jungkook gave him to wear,  "I know what we had, it ruined because of me. I know that, but can we just...just start over or anything, it doesn't have to be romantic but, I want to have you in my life."

The pressure is back in his chest, but Jungkook feels it everywhere, it's like he can name the feelings now, anger, confusion-hurt. Because Taehyung says everything so easily, like what Jungkook is feeling is only his own problem. Not Taehyungs, not anyone's, it's just him who is a sensitive motherfucker and can't let go of the memories even he has lived through four years forcing himself to believe he has moved on. Now he realizes, he has not.

"It's not easy Tae." Jungkook whispers, running a shaky palm down his face, his shoulder slumping forward. "I-I had to sacrifice so many things to move on, you don't understand how scary it was to live those days without you, and it's like you never existed and I was imagining you whole time."

"I'm sorry."

"It was scary, hyung." Jungkook laughs wryly, his hands sliding down the sides of steering wheel.

They would have been so picture perfect together if their past didn't exist. Together in Taehyung's car, him teaching Jungkook how to drive who has forgotten how to, it would have been cute but things are too fucked up now, Jungkook can't just act like they weren't anything. It's his ex boyfriend, his best friend, his childhood lover, everything. It's the same Taehyung yet he isn't the same.

He can feel Taehyung's gaze burning holes on the side of his face. There is no way he is going to turn around to stare back, because he knows the look Taehyung has. It's guilty but confusion as if he cheated but he doesn't know the answer. it's all too tense now, Jungkook is gripping on the wheel and Taehyung is grabbing a packet of cigarette.

"I'll be right back." Taehyung is already leaving him alone and next, a thump as the car door closes on Taehyung's side.

"Ok." Jungkook swallows, unsure why his lungs are giving out at this moment. He isn't willing to test how long he can actually go with this atmosphere being this intense. So he decides to drop it, melting on the seat as he breathes few moments. and he is sure in future Taehyung will brush away his question with excuses. The answer seems so clear and it's so hard to swallow.

Jungkook loved him, and Taehyung didn't return it enough.

🎼

"Gguk-" Taehyung sighs for the millionth time, "If you are not ready, we will practice some other day."

"What-" Jungkook shudders, he turns the car to the right and tries to go behind without causing much impact, "I know how to drive, don't lecture me." He frowns, but his body is losing control, like he has completely forgotten how to fucking drive, it's ridiculous.

The conversation they had earlier is still somewhere in Jungkook's head, but he is more focused at the empty spot in front of him. Taehyung moves his upper body closer towards Jungkook and it causes Jungkook to lose his control a little.

"Hey, hey, stay calm." Taehyung warns when Jungkook does a sharp pulls back, the car moves as they hunches forward from the sudden pressure, "No rush, you are shaking, you should let me drive now, hm?"

"M'not shaking, it's the car." Jungkook grumbles, but his hands are holding the steering wheel, "this is stupid." He tenses and grips on the wheel so his hands would stop shaking.

Taehyung forces him to park nearby, an empty stop, there is no one around. The snow continues to fall on the surface of the car, the heater is on so they don't feel too cold.

"You want to go home?" Taehyung asks eventually, his voice is weirdly patient and hushed.

"No-It's-it's I just don't understand how I.."He sighs, "how did I forget how to drive?" He questions.

"C'mon," Taehyung's nose scrunches when he says this, "You take the train most days, isn't it normal. Enough practice for today, let's go somewhere instead." He declares, eyes beaming as if he knows a spot. Jungkook stares at him questioning, recoiling his arm away from Taehyung when their elbow touches.

"Uh, where?"

"You would like it. Promise."

His nose burns with the smell of cigarettes' and Jungkook hates it.
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