Love is half

55

It is so fucking terrifying to Taehyung. He doesn't think he is ready, he has never been ready.

He is not a blushing virgin and he shouldn't be like this, stiff shoulders and red cheeks with dried cum over his stomach from last night. The boy clings to his chest, warm exposed skin sticky over his own, dark black hair that is plastered from the sweat that Taehyung finds himself unmoving and still after waking up from the most comforting slumber.

But lying here- Jungkooks bones are intertwined with his own, their breathes and every inch has blended with each other once again, a part of him is still floaty and high from last night, the words and the honesty in Jungkooks words, the desperation and fondness, for the first time Taehyung doesn't feel like he is entirely on his own in the world. Just here, the boy Taehyung made  go through hell lies asleep with soft snores, muffled by his face squished on his shoulder, there he is, the kindest soul on earth, like a saint that Taehyung didn't think anyone is capable of being. Jungkook isn't perfect, both of them know, he is an imperfect saint and his bones were braided with flowers and he holds so much love in his heart and in his body, that Taehyung wonders how he hasn't exploded it and is it possible to hold so, so much?

Opening his eyes and this is the first time they have been this close, their body and heart has connected to each other like sunset and moonrise over the horizon of the ocean. Jungkooks heart has been dipped in sparkling holy rose water and there is no denying Taehyung would do it again, again and again , probably forever to get the opportunity to get close to the pureness of the younger one again. The sweetness within him and once someone recognizes the love in Jungkooks eyes, there is no going back, Taehyung wishes he never ran away. And God, if he could, he would take back everything.

And his body. White, pure, milk and honey. Untouched, unloved but last night Taehyung made sure to treasure every part of it like written memories, the fold between his skin, the unkissed and kissed parts and Jungkook reassured him that his skin can be touched, can be loved and can be treasured by Taehyung, for first time Taehyung felt like he is worth enough to make love to someone without the other person yelling at him to be harsher, to not question that he can too, be gentle and savor something like skin and bones and turn them into work of art.

Taehyung holds him close, closer if it is even possible, the past years, the experiences they went through, of course nothing would magically change in one night but it is okay, Jungkook understands that and he has made it clear his heart is too big and kind to leave someone like Taehyung alone on this journey, they are still recovering and they have reached far enough where they can hold each other like flower and flames, aren't afraid of shying or flinching away, a newly found freedom that both of them has discovered.

And Taehyung wants to live . All of his life after getting married he has seen living as a part of a test from God, but this time he wants to feel alive and not treat life like a surviving test. He felt as if the world was nobody, but he has Jungkook, he has a mother who still sees him as her son after what he has done, he has a hard working father who always has his head lifted high, a good husband and a good father, someone who knows how to help but also how to guide.

Taehyung will try, he looks at Jungkook, he looks around his room to see the soft glow of the sun and the farm of his father lies underneath the parted cloudy sky, and he thinks, Instead of clinging to his pasts, he would slowly learn to love and treasure the younger and the people around his life in every way he can, he would give what it takes, his heart, his body and his existences and possibly the universe to start a new beginning.