CadyChaos (A Chilled Chaos Fanfiction)

Chapter 47 - Pathetic Princess

Trigger warning: suicide mentions.

Chilled's POV

I knocked on Cady's door and she opened it in an instant, her face was flushed slightly.

Instead of saying hello or come in, she ran into my arms, throwing her arms around my neck. I was slightly taken aback, but soon I returned the embrace. I rubbed her back with my palm whilst we hugged and Cady had her face on my neck.

I pulled away and held her at arms length, my hands resting on my shoulders.

"I'm glad you'd decided to do a fan meet up." I told her and she nodded slightly.

"Well, why the fuck not? If I have a panic attack, I can just cut off my own head, no biggie. Then I wouldn't have anymore panic attacks!" She exclaimed and I frowned at her.

"Don't say that." I said in a low voice and she looked down murmuring and apology. My hands trailed down her shoulders and into her hands. I squeezed them and we both walked farther into the room, me shutting the door with my foot. When the door snapped shut, I pushed Cady onto a wall and held her arms over her head.

Cady gasped slightly in surprise, but a devilish grin soon took over the shock on her face.

"I didn't know you were this kinky, Chilled." She taunted at me and I moved closer to her, my face inches from hers, our bodies centimeters apart.

"There is a lot you don't know about me." I told her, my voice low. I moved my head to her's and put my lips on her's. I missed her, and soon she returned the kiss, the kiss turning passionate. My body shook and I felt Cady tensing slightly and and then relaxing as if she was enjoying this too.

"Anthony." She moaned slightly as I licked her bottom lip. "Anthony!" She yelled and pushed me off of her. She was breathing heavily and tears were in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." I said trying to catch my breath.

"Don't be. I'm just weak." She cried out.

"You aren't weak!" I exclaimed at her, reaching my arm to touch her, but deciding against it.

"Anything that gets the slightest bit intimate, I freak the fuck out!" She nearly yelled in exasperation.

"I know, but that doesn't make you weak." I told her lowering my voice, hoping she would follow my lead. "You have just suffered with terrible people."

"You don't understand!" She threw her hands up in the air. "I want to love you like that, and show you that I do, but I'm too weak. I don't want to be weak anymore! I don't want to cry anymore! I don't want to feel anymore! I don't want to live anymore!" She yelled before bursting out of the room.

Cady's POV

Hot tears spilled out of my eyes as I ran out of the apartment building and didn't look back. I had no clue where I was going, and what I would do when I got there, but I just ran.

I can't take it anymore. I can't. I just want to give up. I decided I should end it all.

I mean, what was the pint of living if the only thing you felt was sadness?

I ran into a dark alley and sat down on the floor of it. I didn't care if I got mugged or raped or even killed being here by myself. It was the middle of the day, so many people walked down there streets anyways. And if something like that happened, I'd just kill myself anyways.

So I sat down and balled silently. I was skilled at crying silently so no one knew.

I looks around the floor of the alley way I sat in and saw the gleam of metal shine onto my face, and I smiled remembering my old friend.

"I missed you." I murmured picking up the blade and examining it. It rusted slightly, but the blade part was clean and looked brand new.

I held the blade up to my neck, and my entire life flashed through my head. Chilled came into mind and I remembered the tingling I felt as if electricity was coursing though my veins as we kissed, and how I just wanted to be closer and more intimate than ever before. I remembered as his face turned to Drew's and the thought of my last sexual encounter made me stutter and cringe.

I couldn't believe I compared Anthony to Drew. Anthony saved my life as Drew pulled the trigger.

Now I was the one with the trigger to pull, and it was only a matter of time before Anthony saved me again. I was like a curious child who wandered for hours, always with near death situations and Chilled was my tired mother, keeping me from walking into traffic or falling out a window.

I felt like a pathetic princess.

Pathetic like Aurora from Sleeping Beauty, a girl who need a prince to save her. Pathetic like Snow White who foolishly took the apple and needed a prince to save her from her slumber.

I felt like a stupid girl, and I need a big, strong, smart man to save me. I felt as though someone needed to lift me off my feet.

I realized that wasn't the life I wanted to live.