maerdyad

Fib

So...

I lied.

I said I wouldn't do that,

lie.

I promised I wouldn't.

Fuck,
I was the one that said we should be more honest in the first place...

But I did.

And here I am,

writing about it again.

I lied that I'm fine.
Because honestly,
truthfully,
I'm not.

I am mad.

I might've not known I was until now,

but I am.

Because I knew this would happen.

I

knew

it.

You've apologized,
for everything,
and you still want to be amazing friends,
and go back to how it was before,
and be happy,

but I'm mad how it ended.

And now we don't know what to say anymore,

and I'm mad that they said it was the 'worst breakup everrr /j'.

Do they even read this?

I don't know,

I can't tell.

I obviously still care about them,

but I'm not sure I care if they read this or not anymore.

So that long apology I had before means nothing I guess.

And it's not your fault either.

People become uninterested in other people sometimes,
it happens,
that's out of control.

So why am I mad at you?

Why are you mad at her.

It's not her fault.

That's not fair to you.

I'm not being fair to you.

It's not your fault you feel like that.

All the ways you do.

The ways you don't know how to feel.

God,
why am I not telling you any of this?

Why am I typing into my fucking notes app right now,
to publish a poem,
I know only you'll read anyway???

I hate this website.

I hate what it's done to me.

And I love it too.

This is just a phase.

It's just,

a phase.

So I know I soon won't be anymore,

but I can't keep lying,

I am,

mad.