maerdyad

far Far away

i still miss you.
and i'm not sure who i'm saying that to,
but i still miss you.





























and
this time
that's
not
all i have to say.











i miss that day you told me.
i miss the day you told me the secret you kept from me for months and you finally told me and we were happy.
i miss those two months when we were gullible teenagers who thought we were invincible.
i miss the goofiness we had,
even as just friends.
i miss that class,
all those years ago,
where we could just be as silly as we wanted every day.
i miss those nights we would go to church,
even though neither of us were actually there for that.
and i miss that night you kissed me on the cheek.
i miss that one day you screamed at everyone in the room 'THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND' and i laughed.
i miss the fun we had,
and we could still talk if we wanted to,
but i know i shouldn't.
it's better if i don't.

i miss your hugs.
they were great.



but i'm okay now,

and i hope you're okay too.

















i miss that day i met you.
that day when i didn't know anyone,
i didn't know what i was doing.
you were there.
you said hello.
you didn't even know me.
and you said hello.
i hope you realize how much that meant.

i miss talking to you every day at lunch.
i miss our friend group that started as four and eventually you introduced me to others and it was a whole party.
i miss that night.
that shitty night,
that you ignored me without realizing it,
because at least i saw you.
i miss seeing your reaction when i gave you chocolate that one day,
that giant hershey's kiss.
i miss staying up until 3 talking to you.
i miss when there wasn't any drama.
i miss you.
a lot.
even though you're probably shit and i shouldn't talk with someone who treated me so badly,

i still really miss you.

i miss your hugs too.
they were also great.




im not okay,

please know that.

















i miss the day you sat down next to me.
the day i didnt save that spot for them,
so you sat instead.
i miss the day we had to recite that stupid thing to the class,

the day you came up with that amazing idea that nobody liked,
that day i threatened you over email,
the day i first showed you my 'art',
the day you made fun of me.
i miss that day i frantically made an account so i could read that amazing thing you wanted to show me.

i miss that night.
and that other night.
and the very end of those nights.


i miss that day i told you,
and you rejected.
and i miss the day i read what you said and accidentally told me,
and i didn't reject you.

i miss that day i decided to tell you everything,
and that you actually listened.

i miss when there were no crack in the 3 of us

i miss when the macaroon was perfect.

i miss staying up until 3 with you every night,
even though we could still do that,
but i don't,
for some reason.

i miss being able to say 'missing' and not 'miss',
because i can't in 2 days
i can't.

i miss the days i didnt feel like an asshole writing all this down for you and them to read.

ill miss my hugs to you

i think they were great.







i don't know if i'm okay,

and i'm sure you know that by now.












you're welcome
by the way.

i hope you're thankful i didnt listen to you and didnt save that seat for you,
so she sat down instead,
and we both met her.

you better be thankful about that,
even if i did it by accident.















anyway.

i miss you.











thats all i have to say.