maerdyad

Broccoli

What if...

I never read it.

I decided,
70 parts is too much to digest,
and just
never
read it.



Or what if...
I took your advice and didn't say anything.
I complimented you on how well it was written,
and moved on with my life without thinking about it any more than that.

What if...
I hadn't asked you to sign up for that thing,
so you couldn't talk to me.
So we wouldn't end up talking every single night,
until 2 am.

What if...
I was selfish,
and I snuck up in your car in a box and I came with you up there.

And I had been the one on the dock,
doing,
whatever even happened that night.


What if...
I hadn't told you that day,
about how much I loved you,
and how tired I was of hearing you talk about your crush.

What if...
They hadn't gotten sick for a week,
and we wouldn't have grown closer,
and you wouldn't have told me you liked them.

Or what if...
I never told you about her,
and all the things she did,
and you never started to become sympathetic fot me.

What if...
None of us held hands that night.

What if...
I spoke up to you that day,
about how shit it felt,
when you said you wished you find someone,
when you moved far far away.
And you would tell us about them.

What if...
I tried to convince you to stay with her,
even if it would be bad advice,
even though your mind already left her,
even if it hurt.

What if...
I never showed my friends that rose.
That amazing,
artificial,
cotton rose you gave me.

What if...
I never saw you writing about things that one time,
and I didn't ask what it was all about,
and make an account in 0.5 milliseconds,
to leave a stupid little comment,
on the things you wrote,
that I didn't even understand back then.

What if...
I convinced them to go with their crush,
and somehow that worked out somehow,
miraculously.

What if...
I asked to come with you guys,
on that boat ride,
with the scary crabs and glowing sun.

What if...
I never emailed you that day,
to get your ass back in class,
because I missed you.

What if...
I did what they asked me to do,
and saved a seat for them,
or I just sat at the other side of the classroom,
and never sat,
with our view of each other being blocked by you.

What if...
I never fucked up,
and she didn't leave me.

What if...
I never said that,
and they didn't leave me.

What if...
I asked to dance with her that night.

What if...
I told them I didn't like them back,
and I never ended up being together with them.

What if...
I met you back then instead of now.

What if...
I never played that game,
and never heard that music,
and never started making it myself.

What if...
I told the teacher they were bullying me and we never made up on our own,
so I would never aaccidentally not save that seat for them,
and they never introduced me to you.

What if...
I never heard about this place.
I never considered it,
I never went on that tour,
and never chose it because I didn't know what to pick.

What if I never even picked this place?
And didn't meet all the people I know now.

What if...
I just did what he asked me to do,
and I did all my work,
and I didn't lie to him,
and he didn't have to watch me like a baby,
take away my phone,
and we never had to move.

What if...
I never watched that episode of that show,
and never heard that song,
that I can't unhear to this day.

What if...
I never made fun of that kid,
all those years ago.

What if...
that random lady never came in,
and never recommend,
that place that I went to for years,
the place that shaped who I am now,
the people that shaped who,
I
am
now.



What if...
I never watched that bubble screen saver,
on that random monitor,
all
those
years ago,
and never had a memory to remember,
as my very first one.



What if...





What if I didn't keep it in mind,
keep all the things you said in mind,
and I didn't remember everything you love.





Just,
let me say it,





what if I never met you.







Never experienced all the amazing things that came with you.
Never had laughs like that,
never knew love,
never knew,
just,

you.



The rain now would be fine then,
because I would be used to it.

But going back to it,
after all this,
feels horrendous.


I'm sorry if that hurts,
reading that,
but I did warn you,
didn't I?











You know,
broccoli tastes great,
if you've never had chocolate before.