maerdyad

taG

hello

oh

goodbye

































so...



i have
this habit,













of being 

extremely clingy
to everything,
just,
everything,
that either changes or leaves in my life.








anytime there's,
any,
sort of sudden change,



i just,



i hate it.

i hate change.



i hate having completely changing my entire schedule 

when i was happy before.

i'll put effort,
into making a really nice lunch,
to reminisce to the old days,
because i used to put effort into it


i'll stare at classrooms,
taking in every detail,
so i can relive the memories i want to view,
as precisely as possible.

i'll spend hours,
just reading old messages,
and look at old photos,
unable to get over it.

i need to remember
everything
about us.

about the three of us.

i need to remember every memory you've ever given me.

i need to remember the laughs,
the tears,
the views,
the sunrises,
the drama,
the cracks,
the awkward hugs,
the amazing hugs,

the love you have given me.

the care and love both of you have given me.

i warned both of you what would come with a package deal like me,

and you continued to stick around.

so thanks,

for that.

god.
i'm crying now.
i'm actually crying
for once.












and you
i need
to remember you.

i really hope i do.

. . .


















okay,

confession:

i still love you.
sort of.
i'm not entirely sure.











i'm sorry if it's terrible hearing that,
and you'll hate me for saying that,
and they'll hate me for saying that,
and it's something i shouldn't say,
with your eyes watching,

but i did
warn you.

and i can't ignore my feelings,
even if it forms even more cracks,
and breaks the macaroon.

im still being clingy.

really clingy.

maybe i'm wrong.

maybe i'm all wrong 

maybe we can go back to
exactly
how it was
before all this.