CH oneshots

🌧️Unexplainable tears🌧️

Angst
Tiny mention of suicide

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You know that feeling when you just feel so fucking down but you have no idea why you feel that way?

You know when you can just sit there and cry all day but when you think about why you're crying nothing comes to mind? It's a weird feeling isn't it.

Sadness

Despair

Confusion

I didn't know why I felt like that. What a weird thing our minds can do really. One second I can be so high, up on cloud 9. Then the next second I contemplate on if I should cry or not.

I wonder why it's been like that lately.

....I wish Папа or at least someone can give me an answer.

Maybe I try too hard. Maybe I try to do too much all at one time. When have I ever stopped to think that maybe this was too much for me to be able to handle?

That's not something I do though. In my mind and what has been carved in there for so long is that you can't just quite. You can't just drop everything because you feel sad. But sometimes that gets hard when you wanna crawl up into a ball and just drown from your own tears.

Unexplainable tears.

It felt like torture not knowing why you feel so sad. It felt horrible not being able to pinpoint what the fuck was going on in your mind.

I wanna fix it. I wanna be happy. I wanna be able to help people and be able to bring another up but I can't. I really can't because no one will let me. No one likes the way I help. No one likes the optimistic side I can show to certain people. That hurt to.

Sometimes I feel selfish for wanting more. I've already been given closure but I can never get enough of it. I don't need more because it's already been given to me. At this point if I ask or go on a rant to someone I will be their burden. Not like I deserve any more now anyways.

Maybe writing this shows me trying to act like the victim or something. I don't really know what else to do though. What else is there to do if I can't even figure out why I keep crying?

-Russian Federation

Tears slowly started to drip onto the page once Russia had finally let them flow. How stupid was he to write this bullshit. How pathetic could he actually be. How low can he actually fucking get to cry over a few words he smacked down on a page.

There was worse things people could be going through yet he decided to cry about his own stupid misfortune.

Fuck there was even people out there wanting to die yet he was crying over something he couldn't quite figure out.

He didn't even know if writing that made him feel any better. Maybe it just made him feel more like he was trying to play victim. Like he had a problem or something. Like he even had a reason to cry.

He knew he didn't have a reason because no reason would form in his head. At this point he was just crying because his brain and tear-ducks were fucked up.

Soon enough he would end up crying himself out. All the water in his eyes would be completely gone because all of it had ran down his cheeks. Probably seeping into the sleeves of his shirt due to wiping his now puffy eyes.

Russia then turned his head and he got to see just how puffy his eyes were when he was met with a mirror. He just started at himself feeling as disappointment for himself washed over him.

Disappointment for crying. Disappointment for writing that. Disappointment for even feeling sad at that moment because he really didn't deserve to.

Just his stupid mind and stupid eyes fucking with him again.