come over? | Haobin

Chapter Fifteen

It was later in the evening when both of the males were out on the balcony, smoking. The tension between them had gotten down by a lot since the argument in the morning. The sun was also starting to set, creating a beautiful panorama.

Zhanghao took a long drag of his cigarette and blew out the smoke, exhaling deeply. "When did you start smoking?" He asked.

"Hmm... When I was 18, I guess." Hanbin answered, "What about you?"

"Probably 16 or 17."

"Why so young?"

"That's when my parents started arguing a lot. I just needed a reason to get out of the house. Smoking was somewhat of an escape for me. It just calmed me down when I was feeling overwhelmed."

"Ah, and you've been smoking ever since?"

"Mhm. Less than I used to, but still do."

"Are you thinking of ever quitting it?"

"Maybe sometime in the future, just not now." Hao replied.

"Yeah, same." Hanbin said and put out his cigarette in the little ash tray he had set on his balcony. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"I've noticed new scars on your legs recently, what's up with that?"

"Oh."

"Hm?"

"Yeah... that."

"Please, just don't think that I'm making fun of you or anything like that. I just care about you. Maybe you need anyone to talk to or some kind of help?"

"No, it's okay—I'm okay." Hao lied, he hated talking about his feelings so much, he would rather just shut up or change the subject immediately.

"But I know you're not okay. If you were, you wouldn't cut. Why do you do it?"

"Sometimes there is no particular reason why I do it... I just cut. It's a problem, you know it."

"I thought it was just old scars, I thought you weren't doing it anymore." Hanbin said.

"I still do it, I have always done it."

"But why?"

"There is no why. It's addicting, that's the reason Yujin even asked me to admit myself into a rehab."

"And you didn't..." Hanbin muttered quietly as if he was trying to figure his thoughts out loud.

"Yeah, I didn't. Cutting is like a method to gain some sense of control when everything feels out of touch."

"But how does hurting yourself solve anything?"

"It's not about solving problems." Zhanghao sighed deeply, "It's about temporary relief. The physical pain distracts me from emotional one. It's a coping mechanism, albeit an unhealthy one."

"I bet it's a really serious issue for you if even your own brother was asking you to go into rehab."

"Eh, it's not that serious."

"Not serious? I can literally see your legs, how is that not serious?"

"You don't understand it."

"Then help me understand it better. What are you feeling at the moment? You said you do it to distract yourself from emotional pain, so is there anything that is still bothering you?"

Zhanghao kept quiet for a quick second, "....Maybe?" He said as if he was unsure of himself.

"Maybe?" Hanbin's face became more serious all of the sudden, "What is it?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Hao. It does matter. What is bothering you?"

"Just some guys at school."

"What guys?"

"I don't know. Upperclassmen, I guess."

"What are they doing to you?"

"They don't do anything, just say... stuff."

"You gotta help me here, what stuff?" Hanbin asked.

"They're Hyunjin's friends and they know I rejected him. They don't know about me and you, so they think I'm still like I used to be. You know. To put it clear and simple—they very obviously are trying to get into my pants."

"Oh gosh, since when has this been happening?"

"It started not too long ago. Like last week."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I—I don't know... I tried to ignore them, I didn't want you to worry about it."

"You don't want me to worry? Are you crazy? I am going to worry, because I care about you. Please, the next time they do or say something, tell me. If I'm not there—FaceTime me. Do whatever, but you just have to tell me."

"Okay, okay... I will."

"Promise."

Hao sighed with a slight smile, "I promise."

"Alright... And I just want to ask you if there is a way I could help you feel better or just distract when you feel like cutting?"

"Just be supportive and leave judgement outta this situation." Zhanghao lastly said before inhaling his cigarette one last time and putting it out.

"Got it. Thank you for explaining and opening up to me. I really appreciate you being honest with me."

"Mhm, no worries."

"You just have to communicate with me, it's all I'm asking for."

"Okay, but you too. You don't have to put up a wall and try to make it seem like your life is perfect just because mine is not. You can feel things too. I'll listen and help if I can."

"I'm not really used to speaking about my feelings, but I'll try." Hanbin smiled.

"Let's ask each other how we feel every day before sleep and spend some time just for talking to each other about it. I think it would be a healthy way to end the day, so both of us would go to sleep heard."

"That's a good idea actually. Let's do that from now on."

"Yeah."

"It's getting pretty chilly, do you maybe wanna go inside?"

"Sure." Hao said and both of the males walked back inside Hanbin's bedroom.

The Chinese sat on his bed as Hanbin stood in front of him looking down. He brought his palm up to his face and gently caressed his cheek, looking into his eyes. "Don't forget that you promised me something."

Hao raised a brow, "What did I promise?"

"To come and watch the soccer practice on Monday after school." Hanbin said.

"Ah, right. I don't break my promises, I'll come."

"Okay, it was just a quick reminder just in case you somehow accidentally forget." Hanbin smiled and leaned down to place a kiss on Hao's lips.