Only chaos remains

Chapter 20

I was sitting on a bench in a park next to a small pond, enjoying the sun that warmed my skin. My eyes were closed and I did my best to focus on the sound around me to try to relax. I could hear kids' laughter in the playground next to where I was, the birds' song above my head and people's footsteps as they walked past me. The sudden fresh breeze wrapped my body sending chills along my spine. I inhaled the cool hair, smelling the sweet scent of candy that came from the ice-cream van across the pond.

It was a pleasant day. I should have enjoyed it, but I couldn't. No matter what I did, my mind was always drawn to the same thought: I was about to meet Jake.

After I sent him a text, the night before, we hadn't talked much but only agreed to meet each other in a public place. And now that my anger had calmed down, I was nervous about our next encounter.

I twisted my fingers, digging my nails in my skin, trying to ignore the anxiety that rose in my chest. A shadow blocked the sun over me, preventing the comforting warmth from reaching my face.

"MC?"

I opened my eyes and immediately narrowed them to look at the tall figure that stood in front of me. It took a second for my brain to acknowledge who he was. Jake had swapped his usual hoodie for a light sweater and a pretty chic coat that covered his lap. He looked elegant, handsome. His gaze seemed softer than when we met the week before. He seemed lighter, happier.

I stood up, waving away the invisible dust on my clothes, "J-Jake!" I stuttered, "You're already here." I felt my cheeks blushed as a small smirk formed on his lips.

"I am here," he said with his usual deep, calm voice, "should we... Take a walk?" he stepped to the side to let me pass, waving his hand toward a small path around the pond.

I nodded and we started to walk in silence next to each other, only accompanied by the sound of our footsteps crushing small rocks on the ground. In the middle of the pond, a swan spread his wings ready to take a flight. It was a peaceful place, walking there next to him made me feel at ease.

I chewed my lower lip, I forgot how reassuring his presence was. But I had to remember why I was here. I needed to understand why he rejected me and then came back as if nothing happened. I cleared my throat.

"Jake, why did you..."

" I'm sorry, MC."

We both spoke at the same moment, facing each other. Jake has regained his serious face. He took a step toward me but stopped at a decent distance so I didn't have to tilt my head too much to look into his eyes.

"I am sorry MC," he repeated, "I shouldn't have ignored you. It was rude and disrespectful."

I stared at his gray-blue eyes and realized we shared the same feeling: guilt. And I didn't want to let that feeling consume us.

I shook my head, "No I-,I understand this," I took a deep breath so my voice would stop shaking. "You were angry at me because you went to jail because of me. What I don't get is... Why haven't you told me? Why didn't you let me help you and then come back as if nothing happened?"

"No, MC! You got it wrong. I'm not angry at you. Not at all. You did nothing wrong. On the contrary, I am now free thanks to you."

"I don't understand," I started. "If I didn't look for you in the first place the FBI wouldn't have been this close. You stayed with me that night because I asked. If I hadn't..."

"No MC." he cut me off, "Do you remember the contact that should have helped me that day?," I nodded, "Well, he is the one who reported me to the FBI. They promised him a lot of money so he betrayed me. It had nothing to do with you, you did nothing wrong."