Ready Or Not

Ch 23 - A Test

** Luke's POV **

Michael and Jodie showed up at the apartment that next morning, both looking guilty as I don't know what, as though we didn't know what they had been up to. Michael had brought me my bag so I didn't have to go back to the hotel for clean clothes. And the four of us spent a few hours doing a little shopping for the baby.

We mostly bought clothes, diapers, and that kind of necessary stuff. Jordyn didn't really have room for a crib and such, but I bought her a really nice bassinet, much to her dismay. I wanted to buy her an entire nursery set, but that was going to have to wait until I got back home. I told her that she may as well get used to me making sure that she had everything she and the baby needed, whether or not she wanted me to buy it.

I knew it was inevitable that people would see us and put two and two together and know that Jordyn was the one I was having a baby with. That didn't bother me at all, obviously. On the contrary, I was proud to be seen with Jordyn. But I worried about her privacy. And I was concerned because I knew she had a self-esteem issue to begin with, and I hated the thought of all the unnecessary hurtful posts that were sure to pop up everywhere. I'll never understand why some people are so hateful, especially when they don't even know the people that they're being mean to. But that was one of the things we had talked about the night before, how to deal with other people's stupidity. Basically, you ignored it. For the most part, the guys and I had found that if you ignore something, it'll eventually go away. Maybe not completely, but it calms down.

I hadn't been on Twitter since I made the announcement, specifically to avoid the negativity. But I took a look that evening while waiting to board our plane, and all I saw were photos of the four of us shopping that day. It was odd that no one had approached us, yet there were tons of photos. I sent Jordyn a message asking if she had seen them.

From Jordyn: Yep. Jodie showed me. She's getting a lot of hate, too. They're calling her a "groupie." Except, she kind of is. Oops. LOL

To Jordyn: Haha. I noticed that too. I think Mike doesn't see her that way though. Tell her not to worry about it. Are you ok?

From Jordyn: Yes I promise. I don't care about what they say. We're happy and that's all that matters.

To Jordyn: Happy :-)

From Jordyn: Luke

To Jordyn: ???

From Jordyn: I kind of miss you.

I shouldn't have been happy that she missed me. But I was. There was so much that I wanted to say. But I wasn't ready to just yet. And certainly not by text. So I sent the most generic reply.

To Jordyn: Same.

From Jordyn: You miss yourself? ;)

To Jordyn: :-P Mayybeee

From Jordyn: Weirdo.

I had to get on the plane, so we said goodbye, and I was off to LA for the next couple of weeks until Christmas.

Miraculously, I was able to keep my hands to myself the entire time I was with Jordyn. As much as I wanted to kiss her properly when we said goodbye, I didn't. I had a lot to think about and figure out before I put my heart on the line like that. Jesus. I felt so grown up thinking about feelings and shit. So damn weird. But for real, I knew if I took a step to change the nature of our relationship, she would, understandably, expect some kind of commitment. And I actually wanted to be able to give that to her. It would be a huge change for me, but for the first time ever, it was what I wanted. I was about 95% sure of it. It was that other 5% that was holding me back.

Of course, I didn't even know for a fact that Jordyn wanted that kind of relationship with me. But I felt as though she did. There were those silent exchanges we shared and a chemistry that couldn't be denied. But one thing I did know was that I was going to use the distance and time apart to my advantage and figure shit out before the baby was born.

It was nice to be back to work after about four months. It had been the longest break we'd had in a couple of years. And I much prefered staying busy doing something I loved rather than sitting around doing nothing.

As usual, Calum had invited a shit ton of people over to our house the next weekend. They were mostly people who partied with us routinely in LA. I'll admit, I hooked up with this one chick I'd been with before. She initiated it, and I nearly turned her down, but my brain stopped working when things got heated. Afterwards, though, I kind of hated myself. I'd never regretted a hookup until then. Apparently I had actually developed a conscience, because I felt guilty. I was fucking someone else while falling for Jordyn. I needed to grow the fuck up. I ended up locking myself in my room the rest of the night, and vowed to do better.

And I did do better. I was able to keep my dick in my pants the rest of the time we were in LA. Not gonna lie, it was tough. But every time I felt tempted, I thought of Jordyn and our baby. It was kind of like a test that I was putting myself through, to prove that I could commit to one person. If I passed the test, my reward was going to be Jordyn; if she'd have me.

We went home for Christmas for a week, and I didn't even go out, despite Calum's pleas. He accused me of acting like an old married man. But I didn't even care. The last thing I wanted was to run into Gina or Rebekah. I was perfectly content hanging out with Michael at my house and playing video games until I went cross-eyed. I was learning that boring could be fun, too. And I was enjoying it while I could, because I knew my days of boredom were numbered. I was going to have a baby to take care of soon.
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A/N: I swear all this mushy love talk is about to simmer down some. I have to carry it on for a little bit because I don't want it to be like "Oh I love her" one minute and they're getting married the next, ya know? I don't even know why I'm worried about it. I'm just afraid y'all don't like all the talk about feelings. Or do y'all like the mushy stuff?