A Court of Smoke and Shadow

Chapter Sixteen: Selene

Elain followed me into the kitchen, helping Nuala and Cerridwen cook.

I ignored her and made myself a sandwich. Clearly, she was beginning to heal. I really couldn't hold anything against her. She never really did anything to me. I should hold a grudge against Azriel. But honestly, I'm holding a grudge against both of them.

I know she sensed the tension. She just refused to acknowledge it. I made my sandwich, walked to my room and locked myself in there. Obviously, my family was confused about my sudden coldness but I really don't care.

Maybe Zoya and I did have something in common: the ability to hold grudges for long periods of time. I didn't usually hold grudges but when I did, you knew you wronged me. For example, I held a huge grudge against Amarantha for forcing my brother to fuck her – raping him. She could've called it what she wanted but it wouldn't change what it was.

I should probably find an outlet for my anger but why do that when I can simply hold a grudge?

***

My sandwich ended up growing cold on my table.
I spent most of my time finishing up paperwork and responding to missives. Apparently, Helion and several of the High Lords have been practicing using the guns I gave them outlines for and it was going well. Aside from occasional stray bullets shooting other people.

It felt good to know that I was slowly making an impact on the world. Although, I've been haunting the narrative of my family's lives for years, affecting every decision and making an impact.

I put down my pen and magicked away my sandwich plate. It would've gone to rot next to me. Better to get rid of it ahead of time.

***

By the time I finished all my paperwork it was well past midnight.

Which meant that I miss dinner and no doubt caused Rhys to start worrying. But he did not come to my door, asking if I was okay. So I counted that as a plus.

At least the paperwork is done, I thought, before plopping down on my bed. Even if I hadn't eaten all day, at least my work was done. Call me a workaholic, but my work was more important than anything else. Including meals.

I didn't have the chance to change clothes because I fell asleep not long after lying down.