A Court of Smoke and Shadow

Chapter Seventeen: Azriel

Selene did not come down for dinner.

That caused Rhys to go mad with worry but ultimately Feyre convinced him not to bother her. I waited until dinner was over to check on her – lest I be considered rude for leaving the table early. I stood outside the door of her room and knocked. No one answered.

I opened the door to find Selene passed out cold on her bed wearing the same black cotton gown. I closed the door behind me and changed her into a nightgown, careful not to wake her. She stirred for a moment but simply rolled over, burying her head in the pillow.

I spotted the flower garden tattoo on her ribs and with her back towards me, I could see that she got her snake tattoos redone over her scars. I had the sudden urge to kiss her scars and tell her how beautiful she really was. My next thought was that she was extremely thin.

Not healthy thin, but dangerously thin. Like Feyre had been. Like Elain was and still is. Her cheekbones were hollowed in and she had dark circles under her eyes. I knew she didn't eat a lot and worked a lot but I didn't realize how bad it was.

I wanted to kick myself for being such a terrible mate to her. She means everything to me and I treat her like it's the opposite. I really needed to do better. I wanted to save her from herself.

She doesn't want you to save her, a voice in my head whispered. She wants you to understand her, help her, free her.

But how was I supposed to free her from a torment of her own making? Once Selene committed to something, it was hard to get her to stop. I could get Rhys to stage an intervention but given how the last one went, I doubted it would do any good.

For once, I had no strategies to fix this mess.

***

I left shortly after putting a nightgown on Selene.
I needed to take a walk and clear my head. I stopped near the Sidra and stared up at the sky. The shops in Velaris were still open, regardless of the late hour. But I wasn't worried about shopping this late. I tried thinking of ways I could help my mate without alarming her to what I was doing. Not a single thing came to mind.

Selene was such a complex, stubborn female. I was certain that she could take over the world and make them beg at her feet if she really wanted to. Finding a way to help her with an eating disorder was going to take a great deal of thought.

***

I walked back to the townhouse and silently crept back into Selene's room.

To my surprise, she was awake. She blinked at me.

"When did you leave?" she asked.

"An hour ago," I responded.

"How long was I sleep?"

"Since after dinner."

"Which was...?"

"Around 7-ish," I admitted.

"I was sleep for," she paused, looking out the window and at the moon. "5 hours?"

I did not ask how she ascertained that she'd been asleep for 5 hours by simply looking at the moon. I stopped questioning her a long time ago.

"Yes," I responded.

She hummed. "Why were you out this late?"

"I decided to take a walk."

"Ah."

I waited to see if Selene would continue but she just laid back down and went to sleep. I almost laughed at how characteristically Selene it was. She would fall asleep in the middle of a conversation.

I got into bed next to her and fell asleep.