Lifeless Sea (GL)

Chapter 24

"Let's talk about us." Katniss looked away

"What's wrong with us?" Natatanga kong tanong. Alam ko naman na malaki ang pag kukulang ko pero kaya kong bumawi kung 'yon ang pinapangamba niya.

"Hindi p'wedeng lagi tayong ganito, nahihirapan na ako." I could see her pain through her eyes.

"Pero ano 'yung nakita ko? Calling some girl 'babe' nang hindi ko alam?" I sounded frustrated, lahat ng kinimkim at intindi ko kanina ay malalabas ko pa ata.

"She's my friend, they were my friends, Waverine. Fuego and Agatha are my childhood friends." Madiin nitong wika.

"Friends yet you called each other with endearment?" I bitterly asked.

"It's not romantically based, are you accusing me? Really, Sea?" I can sense anger.

We were both wearing dresses kaya inilagay ko sa balikat niya ang scarf na dala ko bago ko pagtuunan ng pansin ang sinabi niya.

Inalis niya ang scarf na ipinatong ko sa balikat niya at ibinigay muli ang panyo pabalik sa'kin.

"Let's end this." She said with finality in her voice.

"Sila lang ang palaging nandito kapag wala ka." Katniss said and it stabbed me.

Hindi ako naka-imik, alam kong dadating kami sa ganitong punto pero hindi pa ako handa.

"I can be enough.." I said.

"Yes you can, but not for me." She said.

"Lagi nalang ikaw, puro ikaw, halos sa'yo umiikot ang relasyon na 'to imbis na sa'ting dalawa. Totoo rin naman na kapag wala ka, sila yung nandiyan para samahan ako sa mga bagay na gusto ko. Ikaw ba? Sarili mo lang ang iniisip mo. I don't get it, hindi mo ako masamahan sa mga gusto ko pero ikaw pa yung nagagalit kapag may kasama akong iba?" Bakit ang dali nalang sakaniyang sabihin 'to?

"No, let's try again." Makulit kung makulit pero ayokong mawala siya.

She heals me at the same time she causes me pain. She comforts me at the same time she can trigger the hell out of me. I love her yet, she made me hate myself for being who I am.

"Try what? Intindihin ka? Samahan ka? Taga punas ng luha mo? Try ulit ang ano? Maging hangin sa paningin mo? Na kapag hindi mo na ako kailangan madali lang sa'yo na itapon ako?" Her bitter words hit me.

"We were lacking communication and love, Waverine. Gusto ko na mag-open up sa'yo ng problema kaso naisip ko na baka maka-apekto 'yon sa kalagayan mo." She's crying. My Katniss was crying because of me.

"You know that my love for you was deep." Yumuko ako at hinawakan ang sariling kamay.

"You are too young to understand things about love. Let's end this. Nakakapagod kang mahalin." Sabi niya pero agad ko siyang pinigilan.

I don't want to see her like that pero dahil sa'kin masyado na siyang nasasaktan. Should I let her go?

On my two bended knees, I plead. I hold her tight. Alam kong naiinis siya sa ginagawa ko dahil pilit niyang inalis ang braso kong nakapulupot sakaniya.

Pinuno ko ata siya, there was always a reason behind a person's behavior.

"Tangina, Sea napaka manhid mo. Hindi lang naman ikaw yung tao rito, ako rin. May pakiramdam din naman ako." Sabi ni Katniss at halata ang pagpipigil sa galit habang tinuturo ang sarili.

I stood up and looked at her, she seemed tired, she was exhausted because of me.

"May nararamdaman din naman ako, hindi p'wedeng laging ikaw! Napaka-unfair mo." She shouted habang hawak ang bigay kong kwintas, with the wave pendant in it.

I let her express her feelings and emotions. Naiintindihan ko siya, habang unti-unting gumuguho ang payapa kong puso, pinapakinggan ko siya.

"Ano? Wala kang sasabihin? Kasi ano? Alam mong selfish ka. Napakaselfish mo. Hindi mo ako nararamdaman pero nagagawa kitang unahin kahit kanino." Her tears fell.

She exploded, her untold feelings were deep enough to cause me to bleed.

Pupunasan ko sana ang luha ngunit bigla niyang hinablot ang kamay ko at winaksi ito. I can feel pain but I have no right to feel that. Mas nasasaktan siya, nasaktan ko siya kaya wala akong karapatan na masaktan pa. I get her point.

"Don't try to wipe these tears, kasalanan mo 'to. Kaya mong punusan yung luha pero hindi mo kayang pawiin lahat ng sakit." She said while holding the necklace I gave.

I'm happy that she accepts the gift. Pinag-ipunan ko 'yon. Kahit papaano ay nabawasan ang sakit.

Katniss words stabs me every time kasi totoo.

"Wala kang karapatang umiyak, Sea. Ano? Ako nanaman may mali kasi pina-iyak kita, putangina?" She laughed sarcastically.

"I'm sorry.." pinunasan ko ang luha at tinignan siya at ngumiti akong pilit.

"I hate your existence. Get out." Katniss coldly uttered.

I tried to hug her but she declined.

I deserve all of those words. Wala pa 'yan sa sakit na natanggap niya mula sa'kin. I couldn't open my mouth anymore.

"Parang kahapon lang yakap mo pa ako, kanina lang masaya pa tayo, we were lovers, we love each other, we care for each other too, anong nangyari sa'tin, Katniss? Bakit ganito? I was wondering a minute ago, how we ended up like this, baby? Am I not enough?" Hirap akong magbigkas ng mga salita dahil sa panghihina at labis na pag-iyak.

"Please come back to me.. please I'm begging you.. " I pleaded. My heart aches so much. I tolerate so much pain before but this, I can't even breathe, I can't imagine myself living the life I deserve without her.

"What happened to us?" I wanted to shout because of so much pain.

"Ano ba, Sea? Tanga ba o sadyang gusto mo lang magmukhang kawawa?" She angrily said.

Lumapit siya para pantayan ako.

"I don't love you anymore. I will never love you again. I wouldn't let myself get hurt again because of a person like you. Hindi ako magpapakatanga sa katulad mo, I had enough. Maawa ka naman." Walang preno nitong bigkas.

"I love you Katniss, love me again, please. Wag mo naman akong iwanan nang ganito.." ilang beses kong bigkas ngunit hindi siya natinag at iniwan ako.

I need Katniss like how the Sea needs its waves. I am a storm of my own. Now that this story is about to end, may I rest?

Should I continue?

My lola is waiting for me pero hindi ako p'wedeng umuwi nang ganito.

AN: konti nalang acckkk, nakakaproud kasi makakatapos na ako ng isang story??? After years, months, and weeks? Finally??