He's got the whole world in his hands | Jeongin

Chapter one

Minsi always knew that it was coming, deep down. As much as she wished she could have kept this secret forever, she knew that it was merely wishful thinking. She knew that there was always a chance that the secret would burst open and destroy the one thing she fought so hard to keep hidden. 

College was her escape from all of this; the small town hick life where the people never seemed to change. She always wanted far more than what this town had to offer. Her mother might have been okay with repeating the past, but she wasn't. 

There was so much life out there. So many dreams to chase and here? The air was stale, an ever-producing current of toxicity; a byproduct of repetitive fragments of broken dreams and generational trauma. At least, in her head, that's what it felt like. She was tired of packing herself up into a square box. Shoving pieces of herself down into the mold, so that the people around her would know no different.

You grow up, fall in love, finish high school, go to college or get a job. You settle down with some high school sweetheart or find someone new. Someone shiny, someone better, someone who has the same goals and aspirations as you. Stay put, start a family, stay in the town, let the cycle continue. 

Sit in the same church pew every Sunday. Confess your repetitive sins to God. Raise your hands above your head and let God wash those sins away. Swallow the body of Christ, given to you. Drink the blood, can you feel His blood coursing through your veins? Can you feel the fresh start? Let your sins sink onto the worn carpet. 

You leave the doors and the tattered bible pages behind. Feel the energy of God coursing through your veins and let it carry you into the beginning of the week. Monday bleeds into Tuesday and Tuesday stretches into Wednesday. By the middle of the week, you find yourself sinking into the same old habits. On and on the never-ending cycle goes. 

"I am very disappointed in you. I raised you so much better than this. Do you remember the ten commandments? Do you remember the fifth one?" Nari Park sat with her thin lips pressed together. Her arms were band across her chest in anger. 

Everything was going great until the cops showed up early in the morning. The brightening sun was still beginning to rise. Summer was shifting into fall, the daylight was starting to slip away faster and faster. Minsi sat silently with a scowl on her face. Everything was perfect until the cops destroyed it. It was difficult not to be angry with them. 

After graduating high school, there was one rule. Her mother promised to pay for her college education as long as she attended a religious campus. She knew her daughter was pulling away from God, but she had faith that she'd find him again at a faith-based campus. Finding out that her daughter had not only been at a college party, but had taken part in a ouija board ritual, she was slightly losing her mind. 

"The fifth commandment says to honor thy father and thy mother." 

"It's pretty difficult to honor thy father when thy father is six feet below ground." She knew the words were harsh, but she threw them in her mother's face anyway. 

Her mother blinked and her jaw dropped. It took her a moment before her jaw clenched and her fists curved. "Young lady, your back talking is not appreciated in this household. I didn't raise you to become a secular heathen. What has happened to the baby girl that I raised? She surely didn't act like this." 

"People grow up and change." 

"Sure they do. Some for the better and some for the worse. When you think about the life you're living, are you okay with dying tomorrow? Are you truly at peace with waking up burning in damnation?" 

There she went again. There was a tender hurt in Minsi's heart. No matter how much she tried to talk to her mother, it always led back to this. It always shifted back to God and inched back to religion. Why was it so difficult to live a life without God? 

There was something so freeing about slipping away from the anxiety of believing in heaven and hell. There was an inner peace when she wasn't stressing about sins. Yes, maybe we do all sin, but everyone does. Are they called sins or is it called being human? Making mistakes. Screwing up. Why do we have to pray to a God to make it okay? What happened to growing and learning from mistakes?

"I can't put into words how disappointed I am with you right now. Did you think about your actions and how they affect me? Did you think about how much this hurts me? What were you thinking?" She shook her head. "Clearly, you weren't. Participating in such a demonic act? I can't believe it." 

"It was a cheap child's toy from the toy store." 

"And I'm sure that poor girl who was murdered believes that too, huh? Do you think she believes it was child's play as she burns for eternity? Dance with the devil and you're bound to get burnt." 

"You heard the cops! They admitted that they don't even know if it's a murder case! She could have committed suicide!" 

"That's what the devil wants you to believe." Nari shut her eyes, bowed her head, and muttered a quick prayer while pressing her fingers into a sign of the cross against her body. Her hands clenched together as she kept praying. 

Minsi shook her head in disbelief, stood up, and headed towards the stairs. 

"Where are you going?" Her mother asked. 

"To my bedroom to get away from you." 

"It'll do you some good. You should reconsider your actions. I can't believe you went behind my back about this. I can't believe I trusted you." 

"And I can't believe we have to have this conversation." Minsi grabbed the wooden railing and began to climb the wooden steps. Creaks filled the house as she began to ascend to the upper level. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Her mother shot up from the couch. Her hands rolled into fists and sat on her hips. 

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Minsi continued up until she reached the hall. Her voice came out in a mumble beneath her breath. "At least, it's nothing that you would understand."