He's got the whole world in his hands | Jeongin

Chapter nineteen

"Hey, are you okay?" 

The footsteps crunching on gravel caused Minsi to blink rapidly and wipe at her eyes. When she spun around, her heart dropped. "Chan?" She sniffled and sucked in a deep breath. "What are you doing here?" 

Professor Bang preferred his students to call him by his chosen name rather than calling him Professor Bang. Even at college age, students weren't able to maintain professionalism. Every time he introduced himself to a new group of students, there were still chuckles and snickers scattered around the room. 

His black hair was messy over his forehead. He was in his usual jeans and t-shirt. It was what he wore every day to class. Campus administration was laid back on what professors wore. As long as they weren't wearing anything inappropriate, they didn't mind what professors were wearing. Not quite thirty, Chan was still pretty young and blended into the group of college kids pretty well. 

"My mother lives here in Providence. I go off campus every weekend to visit her. Now that they've shut down campus for a while, I've been staying with her. Are you okay?" 

She nodded and wiped away the final bits of wetness on her face. "Yeah, yeah. I was just having a bit of a rough moment and all." 

"Did you know Suki?" 

Yes, but no. Minsi wasn't going to tell him why she was really crying, so she just nodded and went with it. "We weren't exactly friends, but we weren't strangers either. I can't believe that she just..." 

"I know. She was such a bright young woman and it's such a tragedy." He shoved his hands into his coat pockets. "It's awful that she did what she did. I wish she would have reached out to someone. I would have helped her if I had known, but it's a little too late for that." He kicked at a pile of stones. "I wish death didn't have to occur so soon for some." 

"What?" 

His head snapped back up and he stared at Minsi. "You...you didn't know? Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I thought you got the email that administration sent out and I-" 

Her heart dropped at the mention of it. "What email?" 

"After investigating, cops have come to the conclusion that Suki committed suicide. They found a suicide note in her pocket. After investigating her dorm room, they found her laptop. There were searches on it for suicide methods." 

It felt like an invisible hand was squeezing Minsi's lungs and she didn't know why. She hadn't known Suki for years, but it still hurt. A tender ache that set her heart crumbling apart like a withering flower. 

"They're sure?" Her voice softened. "They're absolutely positive?" 

"I'm afraid so. They interviewed the students that were at the frat party the evening of her suicide. A few of the students admitted that the last time they saw Suki, she disappeared by herself out the back door. Another student confirmed that they watched her climbing the tree by herself when they were heading home." 

"Oh." 

There were no other words to say. It's always a gut punch when people take their own lives. All the dreams that once were, the light that once was in their eyes, that childish innocence when they were kids that grew up and turned into a manifestation of dark and depressing thoughts. How could the brain go from something so determined to make dreams come true to self-destruct mode? 

Minsi used to know Suki's dreams. She knew every thought that the young girl had when they were younger. Suki wanted to grow up and become a veterinarian. She had the heart for it and Minsi had no doubt that her friend would make her dreams come true. 

One summer, the two of them spent the sweltering stretched days nursing baby bunnies. The nest was nearly taken out by Suki's father via tractor. Too determined to mow his yard, he insisted that they had to be moved. As much as the girls didn't want to, Suki's father made the ultimate decision to place them into a box up near the house. 

The girls spent the remaining afternoon and evening keeping an eye on them from the living room windows, but their mother never came back. Coming back to an empty nest covered in fresh lawn clippings, without babies to nurture, the mother took off with lost hope. The babies were still young enough that their eyes hadn't opened yet. 

That summer was one for the books. After doing a bunch of research, led by Suki, the pair used a dropper to feed the baby bunnies. Unfortunately, the runt of the litter ended up dying, but the other four ended up successfully growing up. Within a few weeks, they were out and about and on their own. 

Suki took multiple photos of the rabbits and the pair of the two together. She got her mom to take photos of them feeding them with a disposable camera. After the photos developed, the two girls spent an entire weekend creating two different scrapbooks. Minsi still had hers buried somewhere in the stuff at her dorm room. 

"Are they sure?" She finally broke the silence. 

"Unfortunately," Chan frowned, "I know that it's tough. They're keeping the campus closed the rest of this week to let people mourn. When funeral details are finalized by the family, they said they'd send them out. They're asking people to attend in honor of Suki." 

"Are you going?" 

"Absolutely. I'd like to pay my respects to her parents. They raised a wonderful young woman and I want them to be well aware of that. She was one of my brightest students. Are you going?" 

Minsi nodded, but she didn't want to go. She didn't want to sit in a pew and listen to some priest ask God to take care of her former friend. She wanted to see her and apologize. She wanted to go back to that summer. She wanted her friend back and she didn't want to believe Suki killed herself. 

Even the brightest stars, the best people, can burn out.