He's got the whole world in his hands | Jeongin

Chapter thirty-two

A/N: Pretend that I didn't post this late. I'm so sorry, I came home after work, collapsed into my bed, and literally fell unconscious. It turns out that walking roughly twenty-six miles in four days is a lot and will catch up with you. 10/10 do not recommend. Anyway, trigger warning for mentions of rape and sexual assault.

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It was relatively early when Jeongin slammed his car door shut in the church parking lot. A weight was lifted off his shoulders when he realized that nobody else was in the parking lot. Sometimes people loved to try and catch him when he came to the church. This morning, he just wasn't feeling it.

His thoughts kept going back to Minsi and her situation. He was attempting to figure out a way to get closer to her without scaring her off. He sucked in a deep breath, began to ascend the pavement steps, and headed into the building. He barely took a few steps, when he paused upon seeing the outline of a person in the front of the sanctuary.

It took him a few moments before he gingerly began making his way towards them. Their spine was curved from leaning over the padded pew. It didn't look like they were praying, more like trying not to fall apart. The door shut loudly behind him, but he wasn't sure if they heard it or not.

Despite wanting to leave them alone and to have a bit of peace with God, he put one foot in front of the other and began to approach them. The worn leather shoes he was wearing were nearing their last bit of life. His mother purchased them for him back when he began seminar and that had been a few years ago.

The cushioned support had been imprinted down from the soles of his feet. There were lines from where his toes had bent the genuine leather when he walked. When he was only a few feet away, he cleared his throat.

To his surprise, Minsi's head popped up. Her teary eyes met his and a sledgehammer hit his heart. Over and over and over and over and over again. He studied her face, trying to find some physical reason for her to be here, but he couldn't find any.

"Hi," she hoarsely got out. A sniffle soon followed, but she didn't bother to wipe away her tears. They coated her cheeks, dribbled down her neck, and soaked the collar of her gray t-shirt.

"Are you alright?"

Her eyes went off to the distance. Another lump began to form in her throat. It was just like the one she had been fighting to keep away the sobs this entire time. She shut her eyes and shook her head. "Suki killed herself."

Jeongin stayed quiet and waited for her to continue. He had a feeling that there was more to this scenario than what met the eye. "It's awful, isn't it?"

"I used to be friends with her. We grew apart and I got the chance to talk to her boyfriend. I didn't know that she struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. I keep thinking of the summer that we used to be friends. I keep replaying all of it in my head and it should have been m-me," her voice cracked. "I should have been the one to kill myself, not her."

A frown stretched at his face. He slowly settled down onto the padded pew a few seats away and she went on. "She was a good person. She had so many dreams and now she's dead. I-I keep wanting her to be murdered. I keep going over everyone at that frat party. While I was playing with the ouija board, Suki was hanging herself."

Tears filled her eyes more. "She had a future. She had people that really loved her. She was so bright and she was just so-" Her bottom lip quivered. It killed her to fall apart in front of a priest, one who her mother enamored and insisted Minsi was under an evil spiritual attack.

"How could this happen?" Her voice became shrill. "How could this be part of God's plan? How could any of this be God's plan? Was it really God's plan for Suki to die? Was it part of his plan for me to get raped?" Jeongin's face fell and his eyes widened. "Was i-it?"

It killed him to see her so broken. She was so distraught, battered, and mentally defeated. The pieces of the puzzle were starting to come together now; clarity was beginning to form.

"I said stop. I might have been drunk and it came out slurred, but I said stop. I tried to push him off, I-I tried. How could this be part of God's plan? Suki had an entire future just out of sight, but me? I'm a mess. I-I don't have anyone who I-" Her breath hitched and she tried again. "I-I was just a college freshman and I-"

It all stung. The overwhelming wave of grief, the way the hurt seemed to bellow out with her unable to stop it. The worst part was that it was true. She loved Han and Minho with her entire heart, but she knew it was temporary. The two had plans to finish college and move to the other side of the country. They weren't always going to be around forever.

Nari Park's words echoed in Jeongin's head. No wonder Minsi had been so different after attending college, she had been sexually assaulted. It wasn't a surprise that she distanced herself. Even now years later, she was still dealing with that grief. It was wrapped around her and it suffocated her.

"I'm so sorry," he softly got out. "Nobody deserves to have that happen to them. I'll admit it too, I find myself wondering how things in life are part of the bigger plan. There's so much hurt and so many issues, it's hard to keep fighting."

"You have such a good heart and you're stronger than you realize. I know it might not seem like it now, but I think you're going to end up doing amazing things. This hurt won't last forever, I promise."

"It feels like it'll last for eternity," her voice dropped into a whisper. Her eyes stung with the burn of tears. She tried to blink them away, but they never stopped. It was a never-ending fountain of sadness.

"But you don't have to do it alone."

The words bounced around her brain. Her bottom lip began to quiver and that's when she unraveled entirely. Loud sobs fell from her mouth as her body curled in on itself. Desperate to provide her some comfort, Jeongin leaned forward. Unlike a few years ago, she didn't fight this touch.

The warmth of his arms wrapped around her body. She didn't fight being pulled into his chest. She didn't fight the hand gently rubbing her back. She didn't fight any of it because she wasn't strong enough. Her strength was all a lie; a weak illusion that she put up to seem tough.

In front of Jeongin and in front of God, she let herself fall apart.