He's got the whole world in his hands | Jeongin

Chapter twenty

After Chan walked away, there was nothing left, but silence. Stuck in time, with the soles of her shoes buried in dusty gravel, nothing seemed like it'd be okay again. The guilt of it all wrapped around her body and gripped her tight. The anguishing teeth of grief pressed against her neck and sank deep.

Suki was dead and Minsi would never see her again. All those memories they shared together were now one-sided. The sugary sweetened homemade lemonade from Suki's mom. The familiar barking of their family's elder German Shepard. The scent of freshly cut grass and green grass stains covering the bottoms of their feet.

The overhead maple trees that seemed giant when compared to two middle schoolers. With their backs pressed against the sturdy trunk, they discussed it all. Every hope and dream for the future, every boy they ever had a crush on, every teacher that they wished would get fired.

Summer nights were spent with glitter nail-polish, picking dandelions, and capturing fireflies. Cupped between their hands, they used to peer into the darkened cavern of warm palms and coo at the trapped creatures. An unspoken wish followed the ones they let go.

It was faint, an array of nostalgia, but it was all coming back. The laughter, waking up after sleepovers and giggling because their hair was a mess. Sleep encrusted eyes, dried drool, morning breath, and toothbrushes that sang radio pop hits while they scrubbed their molars.

The past was a dewdrop; here one moment and dried out the next, disappearing from the blades of grass, and sinking back into the dirt to be forgotten about. The more Minsi remembered, the more she wanted to run right back to Suki's house and knock on her door.

She was sure her father would answer. Her mother died years ago, but her phantom still lingered. Would she rush upstairs and find Suki braiding her hair again? Would she find her curled up in that ugly lime green bean bag with her head stuck in a book?

The beat of her heart crashed against her inner-ears like waves. Tears filled her eyes and she sucked in a deep breath. Suki was gone, so why did it hurt? Why did it sting so bad? Why did it ache when they hadn't spoken a word to one another in so long?

"Minsi?" The softness of Jeongin's voice broke her out of her thoughts. She wiped her eyes and blinked rapidly. He frowned at the sight, guilt pooled in his chest, his hand lightly gripped her shoulder. "I didn't mean to make you so uncomfortable in the coffee shop. I truly wasn't trying to offend you or hurt your feelings, I swear."

Minsi sniffled and shook her head. "I shouldn't have gotten so defensive. A lot is happening right now and I'm sorry." Her eyes went towards the graying sky and she swallowed, trying to calm herself down.

"Did that guy hu-"

"He used to be one of my professors. He stopped to ask if I had heard that the police wrapped up their investigation."

"Really?" Jeongin's eyes widened. "Already? It's only been a few days since she..."

"Suki committed suicide."

His hands tucked into the pockets of his pants. "Oh dear. I know it's insensitive, but I thought that maybe..." The words stuck in his throat. It would have been easier for her to be murdered.

He's seen a few suicides in his days. He understood what people went through when their loved ones took their own lives. A lot of people feel an empty guilt and blame themselves for not knowing different. It's a pain that he wouldn't wish upon anyone.

"I wish it would have been too. We could have found the murderer, but to know that she did it herself, it sucks. She climbed the tree and let herself drop." She shut her eyes as more tears fell beneath her eyelids. "She was so bright and seemed so happy. She was in clubs, she had friends, and she had family."

"You knew her, didn't you?"

"It's been years."

There was an unspoken agreement between them. Jeongin didn't want to upset her anymore than she already was. Minsi didn't want to confess the past to Jeongin. It was too much to handle and saying it out loud, she was afraid she'd spiral entirely.

"I've gotta get back home. I'll see you around sometime." She reached out and grabbed the handle of her car when Jeongin placed a hand on the door to prevent her from opening it.

"Minsi?"

Her eyes met his.

"If you need someone to talk to, I really mean it, I'll be here if you need me."

"Thank you."

He nodded and removed his hand. After stepping back, Minsi moved into the white sedan. A final sniffle filled the air before her car door slammed shut. Jeongin spun around and began to head back to his own car. Gravel crunched beneath his feet as he trudged along.

He couldn't help, but shift his head to watch her car leave the parking lot. Her car pulled out and it grew smaller and smaller before it turned onto another road. He climbed into his car and pulled out his phone. After dialing a number, he tapped his fingers on his steering wheel.

Teeth sank into his bottom lip and he shifted to get comfortable. This conversation might take a while. Maybe he shouldn't have been doing this, but he was worried about the sadness in Minsi's eyes. The lingering shadow of darkness that just seemed to dull her senses.

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Park?"

"Oh, Father Yang! What a pleasant surprise! How are you? How was your meeting with Minsi? Did it go alright?"

"Mrs. Park, I'm actually calling because I'm worried about Minsi. You know the ongoing investigation for Suki?"

"Of course."

"The police have confirmed that it's a suicide and Minsi seems rather rattled and upset about it. I was just-" He cut off as he adjusted his arm. The beginning of a brown bruise marked his forearm. He frowned, gently pressed it, and sighed at the sudden hint of pain. "I was just making sure you'll keep an eye on her. I don't mean to frighten you, but I'm worried."

"Oh, of course! I'm glad you told me. I know Suki's father goes to the church and I'd like to pay my respects. I think I'll take him some of that apple pie that he enjoys at the annual potlucks. It's not much, but I think he really needs something right now. He needs to know people are thinking of him during this time."

"Sounds good."

"I can't believe Suki would do something like this. She was such a great girl. A perfect role model for Minsi, I wish their friendship would have stayed together. They got interested in different things and parted ways. Minsi would have been good to have when Suki's mother died. Suki would have been a good influence for Minsi's attitude."

Jeongin hummed softly and listened to Nari speak. That was the one thing about Nari that was a handful. Once she started to talk, it was hard to get her to stop. Most of her words went in one ear and out the other.

"I still think the ouija board had something to do with this."

"Well, I-"

"I'm telling you, Father Yang, that thing is evil. It plays a huge role in opening up portals. It gives kids a chance to befriend demons. I still think something withered its way into Minsi. I'm telling you, she's just not like how she used to be."

Thank goodness he was alone because he couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes. Maybe calling Nari had been a mistake. The floodgates had opened and here she went again.