He's got the whole world in his hands | Jeongin

Chapter fifty-eight

"Jeongin?"

His head perked up at Minsi's voice. Despite everything that happened this morning, Jeongin couldn't help it. He already sinned once, so he might as well indulge in a date with the devil. He blinked and waited for Minsi to speak.

He called her phone number in the early hours of the morning. He had to call her mom, but he managed to get it. Maybe it was all just in his head. This entire whole demonic possession thing. The more time he spent with Minsi, the more he really liked her.

His heart clung to her and he never wanted to let her go. She made him feel something that he hadn't felt before. Even during his teen years, girls just weren't something he was interested in. He was, but he could never find the words to ask them out.

So high school slipped by and then it was off to seminar. Priesthood had been his entire focus, so the idea of dating hadn't even appeared. Now that he was here and with Minsi, he wanted to date her more than anything. He swore nothing would get between his faith, but he couldn't help it.

"What made you turn to God?"

He stared at her blankly as his brain repeated her words. They bounced around his head on a loop while he struggled to find the response. What had drawn him to God?

"Back when I was younger, my parents used to attend mass pretty regularly. After my brother died, I just..." He shrugged. "I don't know, it felt right. I felt pretty lost and somewhat guilty."

"But you had nothing to do with your brother's death."

"I hated him. I hated Daeyung because he was better than me. He was the better looking of us. He was smarter, more talented, and more promising. My parents had him as their pride and joy, but me? I couldn't compare to him."

"I used to feel so guilty and it was around that time, my parents stopped attending church. They were so sad and people think they're helping with their condolences, you know?" His fingers clutched the cup of coffee tighter. "Sometimes it's easier to just sit there in silence."

The two walked down one of the sidewalks along main street. A few small businesses were open, but the rest didn't open until the afternoon. When an unknown number appeared on Minsi's phone, she hadn't bothered to answer. She didn't call Jeongin back until after she listened to the voicemail."

"I felt like I was guilty in a way. I often used to wish death upon him. I thought that if he died, maybe I'd be treated better by our parents. Maybe they'd remember they had another son instead of just one. It seems silly," he shrugged, "but that's what I thought."

"When it happened..." He trailed off. A frown tugged at his lips and he sucked in a deep breath through his nose. "There was an indescribable pain. I used to wake up from nightmares where I ran over him. It was just that traumatizing. It happened right outside of our house. How did I not know?"

"Why would you know?"

"My window was open. I should have heard him scream or something, but I didn't. I was keeping myself busy and out of my parents' hair. I should have been keeping an eye on him. What kind of older brother doesn't keep an eye out on the younger one?"

"I don't think you should carry around that kind of weight. Sometimes things happen that are unexpected. Just because they happen, it doesn't mean that it's entirely your fault."

"I know, but it's hard."

The two continue to walk and sip their drinks. The iced americano in Jeongin's hand was moist with condensation. Not even the paper napkins were enough to stop it from dripping down his hand and sprinkling the sidewalk.

Beside him, Minsi had fingers loosely wrapped around an iced matcha latte. The green drink trapped in the clear cup looked like swamp water. The two had been talking off and on for the past two hours.

Over time, conversations between the pair became easier. Minsi found herself smiling and laughing for the first time in forever. She had Han and Minho, but she didn't have many people she felt close with. Jeongin felt like a supportive pillar, despite him being a priest.

She didn't feel judgment like she thought she would. Sometimes he said things that made her want to roll her eyes, but for the most part, he was pretty wonderful. The more they talked, the stronger she felt the pull towards him.

It was taking everything in her not to kiss him right now. The way his black hair was slightly messy and pulled back. His lips probably tasted like bitter coffee and sins. She couldn't understand how he was controlling himself and acting like the previous night didn't happen.

"So have you thought about God anymore?"

"Honestly, not really."

"You weren't moved by that church service you attended, were you?"

"You took off three months of my life. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I can't believe you didn't eat before you went up to preach." She scoffed and shook her head. "How are you going to lead people to God if you can't even take care of yourself?"

"So I'm not perfect."

"You're far from it."

"Ouch." He glanced over and gave her a small grin. There was a playfulness in his eyes as he shoved her.

Not expecting it, she yelped and stumbled to the side. Her ankle rolled and her body swayed off balance. Grass green liquid sprayed everywhere as her drink hit the sidewalk and spilt onto their legs. Minsi didn't know what was happening, but Jeongin did.

A car horn honked in the distance and Minsi's eyes widened. Jeongin's instincts were immediate. He grabbed a handful of fabric and tugged her back into his arms. She stumbled over the edge of the sidewalk and his arms gripped her torso.

A string of colorful words escaped her lips as she watched the car pass by. Jeongin kept her squeezed tight against his body. No words left his mouth and Minsi glanced over her shoulder. "Jeongin?" When he didn't respond, she gently tugged on his shirt.

"Huh?"

"You look like you've seen a ghost. Can you let go of me? I'm okay, just a little shaken up."

It took a moment, but his arms finally unveiled and he let her stabilize herself. He watched as she brushed off her skirt and shot a nervous glance down the road. Her eyes followed the car as it sped off into the distance.

"I can't believe that happened," she uttered beneath her breath.

His hand grabbed hers and he gently tugged her back from the road. "How about we go get you another drink? You barely put a dent in that one before you dropped it."

"But I-"

"Don't worry, I'll pay."