He's got the whole world in his hands | Jeongin

Chapter thirty-one

It was like swallowing something and getting it lodged in your windpipe. Minsi forced herself to put one foot in front of the other to get to another lecture. Her worn combat boots scraped along the sidewalk and thudded heavily. Each foot felt like it weighed over a thousand pounds.

She distanced herself from Minho and Han today. She loved them dearly, but she needed some time alone to cope with this. Earlier this morning, before walking to campus, she left a note on the counter. She bought them breakfast and coffee. They were tucked safely in the fridge until they woke up.

Ever since her run-in with Changbin, nothing felt right. A cold glob of wet cement sat in her stomach. No matter what she did, she couldn't get rid of it. The ugly feeling weighed her down heavily.

The cloudy gray sky was layered with sheets of dull clouds. There was no perfect puffy cloud today and no bright blue sky. The sun was tucked back beneath the clouds and it felt like everyone, including mother nature, had left her alone.

There was an odd sense of disassociation. She could see it all; the swaying maple trees with inside out leaves, her fellow peers that headed towards the same brick building, and the occasional benches she passed. She could see, but it felt like she was staring through someone else's eyes.

There was an invisible wall between her and the world. She could scream and she could bang against the panel, but she was trapped in her own mind; a victim of her own brain. She was drowning in her own brain matter and all the what-ifs.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the psychopath," Hyunjin smirked as he fell into step with her.

She didn't respond and kept her head down. Last night she slept on the couch at Minho and Han's place. It was usually pretty comfortable, but there were too many thoughts flooding her brain.

"Not going to talk this morning, hmm? Alright, suit yourself. We can walk together in silence, it doesn't bother me."

"What do you want?" She finally uttered.

He chuckled, amused by her words. "What do I want? If you insist on knowing, I think a million bucks would be pretty cool."

She shook her head and picked up her pace. If his end goal was to annoy her, she wasn't sticking around. He groaned and forced his feet to move faster. "Why did you have to do that? We were having a lovely stroll and yo-"

She suddenly stopped and whipped around. He jerked back with outstretched arms, desperate to stay balanced and on his feet. A huff fell from his lips and he crossed his arms. "What was that about?"

"What do you really want?"

"You're fascinating, Minsi Park. Can't a guy help, but be fascinated? Are the stories about your mother true?"

"Is it true that you come from a family of satanists?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "You don't even have to confirm the stories about your mother. That right there, it confirms everything I needed to know."

"You didn't answer the question."

"Do I have to?"

Her nostrils flared, she spun around, and began to walk again. Her hands curled into fists at her side. She began to pick up the pace, hoping to leave him behind. She didn't know much about him besides what Professor Bang and her mother had mentioned. Other than that, she wasn't sure if she wanted to know more about him.

"Don't be like that. Fine. Since you're so desperate to know, the answer is no. No, my family aren't satanists and quite frankly, I think I'd be offended if we were and you judged us like that. You're acting like every satanist is evil. Did mommy dearest put you up to that one? Did she plant the seed and then le-"

"Fuck you!" She shot off as she spun around angrily. Before she understood what was happening, she swung.

All she caught was strands of Hyunjin's brunette hair. He ducked his head, just with barely enough time to keep her at bay. "Woah, what the fuck? Changbin was right, you really are a psychopath. What the fuck was that for?"

The anger and sadness inside Minsi swirled together and created a hurricane. She blinked rapidly, trying to understand what just happened. Hyunjin took a few steps back and wearily looked at her fist. "Jesus Christ," he mumbled.

She shut her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. Hyunjin stared at her, feeling more confused than ever. What the hell was happening to her? In the blink of an eye, she went from being aggressive to seemingly remorseful about it.

"If you must know, I'm writing an essay for one of my literature classes. We're discussing religion and we can write about the topic of our choosing. I wanted to, without being punched, have a simple discussion with you."

"But no," he continued, "I don't come from a family of satanists. My parents moved to Providence when I was younger. It was the middle of summer and we were just starting to move in when my mother had a conversation with your mother. I didn't grow up religious and when your mother found out that my family didn't attend church, she invited us to hers."

"My mother declined and you know how your mother is. She stands high and mighty like some saint, but it's foolish. Your meek mother is afraid that there really is a burning eternity after death. The whispers that we were satanists soon started to spread after that and Providence holds itself as one of the most religious small towns in the area."

"So if anyone should be punching anyone, I should be punching you. My parents had tires popped. The house was egged multiple times. One night, a group of high schoolers spray painted a devil on the side of our house. Your mother and her rumors ran us right out of town before I could even start the school year."

She wanted to defend her mother, but she couldn't. Her mother could be brutal. Deeply devoted to her faith, sometimes she went about it the wrong way. Forcing others to partake in something against their will, it seemed like it was something she'd do. Her mother was in charge of multiple things in the church.

She planned the women's events, spent her time counting money brought in as the treasurer, and she even taught Sunday school. It wasn't a surprise that she nearly lost it when Minsi left for college and stopped attending church. She had been so rooted to her devotion to church, she would have rather died than hear her daughter step away from Christ.

She blinked even more upon the gut-wrenching feeling of tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she finally uttered. "For trying to hit you, for my mother's impassive hatred, for the hassle your family endured, I'm sorry."

"I-"

He was left standing there speechless as she sprinted towards the brick building. His head cocked and he let out a sigh. After adjusting the straps on his backpack, he started to head in the same direction.

Maybe Minsi was a victim of her own mother too.