He's got the whole world in his hands | Jeongin

Chapter twenty-one

Nari Park's house, no matter how much time passed between Minsi's visits, always smelled faintly like butterscotch. The sweetened buttery aroma always tickled her nose and hit her the moment she opened the front door. The second it shut, her mother seemed to appear from thin air.

"There you are! How are you? I just heard the news about Suki." She outstretched her arms and came closer to her daughter, but Minsi stepped around her. She mumbled something and headed towards the set of wooden stairs. "Minsi, come on, don't be like that!"

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Why not? You and Suki used to be such good friends. The two of you were attached at the hip and did everything together. Don't you want to remember her? Don't you want to cry?" Nari frowned and her arms went over her chest. "Do you think you're too good to remember he-"

"I said I don't want to talk about it!" Minsi grabbed the banister and began taking the stairs two at a time. She'd do anything to get away from her mother and to get out of this conversation. She didn't want to relive the ripping of her heart. She didn't want to relive any of it.

"Minsi!"

She didn't respond to her mother's voice. Her dirty shoes thudded on the freshly cleaned stairs. They squeaked the entire time. Usually, she'd care, but right now she didn't. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts and she wanted everyone to give her space.

"Remember that it's all part of God's plan!" Her mother called after her. "Everything happens for a reason! He's got it all figured out and something good has to come from this!"

"Bullshit!" Her fingers were white as she gripped the banister. Her head snapped back towards her mom. "It wasn't part of God's plan for Suki to die! None of this was God's plan! How could you be so insensitive?" She searched her mother's face for some sign of remorse, but there wasn't any.

"It'll all work out. She shouldn't have touched the demon board, but she did. These are the consequences for that. A suicide nonetheless," her mother shook her head, "eternal damnation."

The familiar prick of tears appeared in Minsi's eyes again. She couldn't believe how her mother was sounding right now. Did she know what she was saying? Could she hear how shitty she was being?

Anger vibrated in every vessel of her body and shook every molecule. "Is that what you think? You think Suki is burning in hell?"

"I don't think, I know. It's a biblical principle, remember? One of the ten commandments, thou shall not murder. Whether it was the devil or Suki herself, I don't know, but she hung. If she hung herself, she murdered herself. That itself is a sin in the eyes of God."

"Part of God's plan, huh?"

Nari nodded, "always is."

The words came out like a bullet. There was no taking them back once they filled the air, but Minsi didn't care. She wanted to hurt her mother as much as her mother's words hurt her.

"Was it part of God's plan too when your husband died?"

The verbal words were a slap in the face. Nari's eyes widened in shock and no words came out. At the top of the stairs, Minsi stood above her and she wanted to laugh. She wanted to point at her mom and remind her how much her own words stung, but it did the opposite.

"Minsi Jean Park! How dare you talk about your father that way! He was a good man!"

"If Suki's death was part of God's plan, clearly that was too."

"You ungrateful brat!" Nari stomped her foot and her nostrils flared. "This is what happens when you lose your faith! Nobody loves you!"

A laugh broke through Minsi's mouth and she shook her head. Tears gleamed in her eyes and were highlighted by the white fluorescent lights. "Nobody loves me? Isn't it amazing that I turned out just like you? The apple doesn't seem to fall too far from the tree, does it?"

She ignored the yelling from her mother down below. Her feet were heavy among the wooden floor as she disappeared into her room and slammed the door shut. Even with the lock clicked into place and six inches between them, she could still hear the thrumming anger in her mother's voice from downstairs. She could shriek all she wanted to, but Minsi was done with the conversation.

It wasn't right to hurt her mom, but it wasn't right to force your children into religion either. It's one thing to want to teach your children love, but it's another thing to try and raise them in hatred. When God's words become twisted and hate comes before love. What happened to loving your neighbor as yourself? What happened to going out and showing people kindness instead of side eyes and snark?

She threw herself into her unmade bed and buried her head into her pillow. The four blank beige walls seemed more like a prison sentence more than anything. The college dorms were still shut down, so she'd be here for now. Minho and Han offered her their apartment, but she wanted to finish tying up loose ends here, so her mother didn't figure out the truth.

She buried her head deeper into the worn pillow. Salty tears soaked the lavender pillow case and her tennis shoes hung off the edge of the bed. She wanted to cry herself to sleep and wake up in another world. One where her father was still alive, Suki was still breathing, and where Father Yang didn't exist.

Preferably one where God's love felt like being warmly swaddled like a newborn instead of burning stomach acid mixed with the sour taste of bile.