Jackie

24- Used

~Jackie~

I ripped the envelope from Dallas' hand after seeing the shocked look on his face. Almost immediately after taking it from his hands he gave a me a look.

A look of... sympathy?

He walked out of the gas station, shoving his hands into his pockets. What the hell was this letter about? I flipped over the envelope to see who it was from. As soon as I read the name my blood ran cold.

Harry Moorson

How the actual fuck did my father know where I was. I walked back over to my jacket and put the letter inside. I didn't want to read it until after my shift.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I sunk into the couch next to Soda. I met up with him after work, he agreed to be there when I read the letter. I took a deep breath as Soda watched me pull the envelope from my pocket.

Soda read the letter when I did. He read the words as the teardrops spilled onto the paper, smearing the ink as it seeped into the writing.

I couldn't believe it. My mother was dead. The woman who sung softly to help me sleep after nightmares, the woman who held me as I cried when I got dumped by my first boyfriend, my beautiful wonderful mother. Dead. Gone. Just like that.

I didn't care about whatever else was in the envelope, I stopped paying attention to the words after the big bomb dropped in it. I let go of the letter and turned to Soda. I fell into his chest and held on to his plaid shirt as I sobbed.

I didn't care about looking pathetic, I didn't care who else was in the house watching me.

Then I really thought. Dally knew. He read that letter before me. He knew my mother was dead before I did, and he walked away without saying anything, or even staying around to make sure I was okay when I read it.

What the fuck. Did he seriously leave when he knew I would be an emotional wreck? Maybe he was the same asshole when I first met him. Maybe all he wanted was to sleep with me as many times as he could before he had to actually be there for me right?

Soda held me on the couch, stroking my hair. "Hey Jackie cmon it'll be alright. We're here for you." He spoke softly.

"She's gone Soda, she's really gone forever." I said looking up at him, tears running down my face. "Shh, I know, I know how you feel." He whispered.

I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly, my face going back to wear it was against his chest. "I'm here, Johnny's there for ya.. Pony is.. Two is.. and you and Dal been hangin around each other a lot, I'm sure he's there for you too." He spoke while his fingers brushed through my hair.

"I slept with Dallas last night, Soda. He read the letter before me this morning and left before I could take a look at it. I don't think he actually cares Soda." My voice muffled from his chest.

It sounded like he opened his mouth to say something, and his chest rose but he didn't breathe out for a moment. He didn't know what to say to that. And that was fine because I just wanted to get it out.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I must have cried myself to sleep on the couch, because next thing I knew, Soda was softly shaking me awake.

"Darry made dinner for everyone. Thought we could all eat at the table like civilized people." He grinned.

I got up, feeling my eyes puffy from crying. I walked into the kitchen, seeing the whole gang there sitting at the table, including Dallas, but he wouldn't even look in my direction.

Sodapop must have filled them all in on what news I was told because the room went silent when I walked in. Hell, even Steve offered the seat next to him kindly, something I never thought I would see.

I sat down and everyone started passing food around. The oven beeped all of a sudden.

"That's the rolls, I got it." Darry spoke. He brought the fresh rolls over, giving me the first one and patted my back to tell me "I'm here for you". I gave him a small smile.

The only conversation during dinner was small talk, besides Soda and Steve's argument on who was stronger.

Everyone did the usual of taking turns looking at everyone. They were trying to make it a normal night for me I assume. I kept glancing over at Dallas, hoping he would look at me just once.

He looked at everyone besides me. I think Soda noticed the tears starting to pool in my eyes, or just the only one to not ignore them, because he suddenly tugged at my jacket.

"Smoke break?" He asked. I nodded my head, and we stepped out of the kitchen and went to the porch.

We both sat next to each other on the porch steps. "I noticed you were lookin pretty stressed in there." He said while lighting a cigarette.

I nodded my head. He took a small puff on the cigarette before handing it to me. "I'm real sorry about your mom Jackie. It ain't fair, I know how you feel." He said looking over at me.

"Yeah, that's not what's on my mind currently, I mean it is of course but I think I kinda saw it coming, seeing how I had to bribe them not to kill me." I responded, taking a long drag on the cigarette before passing it back to him.

"He won't even look at me Soda. And, and I think I really liked him. He would kiss me, and just act like he liked me too. He was there for me and I've noticed that he doesn't really care about anyone else even if he's known them for years." I said looking over at Soda.

Soda blew his smoke out, looking at me and then back at the ground, not really knowing what to say. "I just feel like he used me Soda. I mean, all he wanted when he first saw me was sex, and it feels like that now, he got what he wanted and doesn't need to stick around." I announced.

Soda still didn't really know what to say. He wrapped his arm around me and took another long drag on the cigarette.

In that moment, I realized I really wanted to get absolutely wasted. Like I said before, tears don't solve shit.