Jackie

25- Half Assed Apologies

Soda went with me to Buck's, who was thankfully having a big loud party. Also known as an excuse to get drunk.

Soda stayed with me there for a while, but left after a couple of hours so Darry wouldn't flip out on him for being out late.

Eventually I was too drunk to think or feel anything, which was exactly my goal. I felt great. I partied hard, danced, even played a game of pool with Tim Shepherd.

I sat at the bar, the crowd was kinda dead. Most people had left at this hour. Buck was debating on whether he should give me the tequila shot I asked for, but after enough drunken yelling about it he gave in.

I held the glass in my hands and downed it quickly. I held my arm out to the other end of the counter, as a signal for Buck to refill it. He was talking to one of his buddies on the other end.

I decided I would just lay my head down on the bar counter and wait.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~Dallas~

I accidentally fell asleep watching TV at the Curtis house. I didn't mean to, but I also didn't really want to stay.

After what seemed like forever walking in the pitch black night, I made it to Buck's. I was looking forward to grabbing a beer and taking it to bed, but I walked in and saw Jackie sleeping on a barstool looking like a bum.

I knew I let her down real bad, but I wasn't a full-on monster, I wasn't gonna just leave her there to sleep. I walked up to where she was and picked her up. I slung her over my shoulder and she groaned.

"Put me down I ain't done." She mumbled, her words slurring. "Yeah you are, you're way too drunk." I responded.

"Since when did you care about anything that has to do with me besides sex." She snapped back. I started walking up the stairs and held on to her body tighter so she didn't fall. "What the hell are you talking about?" I asked annoyed.

"Oh don't act fucking stupid now Dallas, my mom died and you knew before me and, and I mean you took off so you wouldn't have to deal with me right? Why, because you knew I wouldn't sleep with you being so emotional? Fuck off Dallas." Jackie mumbled.

I didn't respond. I didn't know that's what she thought happened. But again, I knew I would hurt her one way or another, it was inevitable. Guess it happened now rather than later.

We got up to her room and I opened the door, gently shutting it and then laying her down on her bed. I took her shoes off for her so she'd be more comfortable.

Jackie rolled over on the bed, now facing the wall. I started to walk out before she started to mumble something out again.

"I really liked you Dal, I still do. I just wish you would look at me in the eyes again. I was hugging Soda when I read that letter and all I could think about was how I wished it was you." She said softly, almost like she didn't really want me to hear.

I shook my head and walked out of the room. I could tell myself that she was just drunk and lying, but everyone and their mother knows that drunk words are sober thoughts.

I walked back into the room. I slowly crept my way over to Jackie, examining her face. I guess she had rolled onto her back in the short time I was gone. Even in her sleep she looked pained and stressed.

I gently brushed the hair out of her face and behind her ear. I bent down and kissed her forehead lightly. "I'm sorry Jackie. I didn't mean to hurt you, I was trying not to. Night."

I left the room quietly. Trying not to wake her. I don't know why the hell I gave a shit about her so much. Maybe because she was the first person besides Johnny to give me a second chance, a second opinion. Everyone else just saw me as some fuck-up no good hood who only causes trouble.

I'm sure that's what she thought of me at first, I was a dick to her so I don't blame her. I'm not sure what made her rethink me. I wasn't sure about anything.

What I was pretty sure about however, was that I was in love with her. Even if I would never admit that to anyone.