Me, Myself & I (Catnipz)

Forgive me.

POV Minji.

Once again, Haerin hadn't attended classes—damn it, Minji, stop thinking about her!

Every time she came to my thoughts, my inner voice reprimanded me. But it was completely impossible to get her out of my mind.

"Kim." I closed my locker door to see who was calling me.

It was that idiot Danielle Marsh.

"What do you want?" I asked her grudgingly, and I had plenty of desire to punch her face.

"It's Haerin," she said breathlessly, surely having run over.

"Marsh..." I said with annoyance, "I'm not in the mood, especially if it's about her." I turned around.

"She's leaving..." I heard her say from a distance.

"Good for her" I said without stopping.

"You don't understand, do you? She needs you." I stopped and turned back to her.

"For what? Did you bet again?" I ran my hand through my hair in desperation. "I don't care about anything related to her. I don't care if she needs me or not. I made it very clear that I didn't want her near me." She looked at me with anger, and I can swear I looked at her the same way.

"Perfect," she looked down and then back up at me. "In two hours, she's leaving the country," she rummaged in her backpack and took out a white envelope. She threw it at me, and I caught it reflexively. "I walked away when she needed me most, and you were the only one there for her. Believe me, she didn't play with you." She turned around, leaving me in the middle of the hallway with the white envelope in my hands.

I looked at it, and seeing her handwriting, anger flooded me, and I crumpled it into a ball with both hands, ready to throw it in the first trash can I found.

I approached the trash can and looked once more at the ball of paper.

She was leaving the country; it might be the last thing I'd ever hear about her. I couldn't do it. I put the ball of paper in my jacket pocket. I went back to my locker and left my books; I didn't feel like going to class.

I got home, and it was empty. Lately, it seemed like no one lived there. Sihyun was still resentful since I yelled at her a couple more times for constantly asking me about Haerin, just like Jongin. I had never spoken to them that way, but I had never felt so shattered, so hurt. They couldn't understand me no matter how much they wanted to.

I collapsed onto the central couch in the living room, staring at the turned-off TV. I leaned my head back, looking at the ceiling, trying to organize my thoughts. I put my hands in my jacket pockets and felt the ball of paper again. I took it out, uncrumpled it, and once again read my name written in pink ink. She knew how much I hated that uncomfortable ink to read—come on, Minji, what do you have to lose? My mind encouraged me to read it; I couldn't feel any worse. I tore the envelope from one side to take out the white sheet, folded in three and now also wrinkled. Black ink covered more than half of the page.

Minji:

I know you hate that I write with pink pen, I'm sorry, I didn't have another one. I don't know if you'll read this; maybe you won't and it'll end up in the trash, but I lose nothing by trying.

I was an idiot; I should never have played with you. I know I was wrong, and it's something I'll never forgive myself for... But I want you to know that everything I told you was never false. Everything I said came from my heart.

At first, I saw it as a challenge. They told me it was completely impossible for you to notice me. That it was impossible for you to even tell me your name... and wow, it was. But it was worth it; the last weeks we spent together were... amazing!

Now I realize that I never loved Eunchae; she was just an obsession I refused to lose. I knew I didn't love her when I met the real Minji, and that's when I fell in love for real and for the first time. I love you so much, Minji, and I understand that you don't want to see or hear anything about me, but you had to know this. I had to let you know that I love you and will keep loving you.

Also, to tell you that I'm leaving. No one (you, my mother, and Danielle) knows where I'm going; I just told them I was leaving the country. After all, there's nothing holding me back here. You were right... I was alone, and I am alone, except for the time I was with you. The word loneliness disappeared from my vocabulary when I was with you, Sihyun, and Jongin. I felt so loved. I felt so important, and that's something I'm extremely grateful for.

Please tell Sihyun to forgive me for lying to her; she must be mad at me. But don't forget that she, Jongin, and you, Minji, were the most important things I had.

I love you, Minji, and once again, forgive me...

Kang Haerin.

Author's note:

So... How are you?