tolerate it-max verstappen

29.

read chapter 28 before this if you haven't already. triple update!!!

max's pov:
    It's been a day or two since my mom came and visited us, before she left that day she had a small talk with me letting me know that she can see Iris and I and how different I am with her and in the best way possible, she could see the love I have for her which I couldn't deny.

      Walking around the house seeing P in the living room watching tv at the moment before wondering where Ris was at. Walking around hearing her guitar strum softly and her voice singing softly as well before opening the door to be met with her sitting on the floor. Smiling to myself before seeing her stop completely and turn to me with a small smile, I insisted on her continuing and denying to do so "It's a secret Max, maybe the song will be on the album" laughing slightly at her sudden shyness of her song.

    "What is the song about me again" I joked out to her slightly not expecting her to respond. Watching her face turn red before she covered her face "I was kidding love don't get shy now, you don't need to tell me if it is or not but by the response you gave me I'm guessing it is" as I softly moved her hands away from her face that was still very red. Giving her a kiss on the cheek letting her know it's okay before she relaxed under my touch.

    Seeing her in her head a bit before she decided to speak up "What are we Max" slightly taken back by her sudden question. Seeing her look everywhere but my eyes. The question I have been avoiding not because I don't want something more but because I very much do but just afraid I guess.

    Trying to be nonchalant "I mean we are boyfriend and girlfriend right" I told her afraid of what was going to be said. Any wrong move can ruin all the progress we have made together.

    "I mean by contract yes" she paused for a good amount of time seeing her decipher how she should word her answer before she continued "but I mean... us we do all the couple things that we really don't have to behind closed doors. What I'm trying to say is I want this to be a real thing not just for the contract" she pointed between us.

     I knew what she meant but I'm scared to say the least, I'm scared that if we are officially together that I'll fuck everything up and Poppy and myself will be crushed if she is no longer here. I know P sees her as a mother figure and I want that for her but I can't seem to let myself do this one thing for us even if my heart wants to.
"I mean what difference does it make everyone knows we are together" I knew my response made me sound like a dick and I regretted what just came out of my mouth immediately.

     Seeing her face drop immediately as she looked away from me "If that's how you want to see it then fine, I was hoping we could have something permanent past January. But I guess since this doesn't make a difference I'll head to my room" she told me as she soon stood up and set her stuff down.

   Grabbing her wrist lightly to stop her from leaving the room, she stopped but immediately took her arm away from my touch which hurt a bit "That's not how I meant it Ris. I just don't know why it makes a difference on since the whole world knows we are together" I told her.

     Seeing her shake her head slightly as I saw a tear in the corner of one of her eyes as we stood in the middle of the room. I know asking her out makes a difference but I didn't know when I should or how and I was just simply scared to do so. Seeing the tear fall from her face before she immediately wiped it away "Forget it Max, I thought you would understand but clearly you don't" I do understand though but I already fucked up how can I fix this without making it worse. She began walking out of the room and turning the corner to walk towards hers.

    I followed her down the hall "Iris I'll ask you out if that makes you happy" I said to her ask her back was faced to me almost to her room by now.

    She stoped immediately and turned around towards me as she walked closer to my face "What the fuck, I want you to ask me out cause you want us to be together not because it makes me happy. Yes it would make me happy but if you are doing it just for me to be happy and shut up then there is no point, you should want it as well" she pointed a finger on my chest as she whispered yelled at me since she knew P was in the living room and we were out in the open where her ears could hear us. I knew exactly what she meant but I'm in to deep into this conversation to turn back time to take back what I said to her.

     Seeing her turn back around a get to her room door opening it and shutting it immediately in front of my face. "Iris why is this so important to you" I spoke to the door knowing she can hear me.

    Seeing the door open immediately now seeing her face full of tears "Because I love you Max, and I was starting to think maybe you loved me back and you wanted this for more than a contract but clearly I am wrong" she spoke out to me as her voice cracked making my heart break seeing her like this. But also completely taken back by her saying she loved me, of course I love her I have been for a while I've just been trying to suppress the feeling because this could get complicated faster if I admit it.

    Just as I was about to speak out to her she shut the door on my face once more "I do love you Iris" I spoke out a little more softly this time as I leaned my forehead against the door hoping she heard me.

    Feeling the door open slowly seeing her face peaking out before she let me into the room. Walking inside slowly afraid of what my actions might lead to now since I've already ruined so much in the past couple of minutes. Watching her close the door behind her as she slid down the door to sit on the floor as I did the same sitting shoulder to shoulder with her.

     "I do love you Iris, I realized it a while ago but I'm scared that I'm going to fuck everything up and P and I won't have you anymore" I spoke very quietly to her not even sure she heard me.

     "If you love me why can't we make this a real thing" making my heart hurt even maybe than it already is. I shouldn't be hurting since I upset her but I couldn't help it especially seeing her crying face.

    "I do want to Iris, I'm just scared with everything that happened with the last woman I was with which was P's mom. I'm just scared that I'm going to lose you and I was hoping that this would go on past the contract but I wasn't sure if I was ready for that. But being with you I think I have fallen the hardest for you. I want a life with you forever and I'm scared I'm going to wake up one day and it will all be gone" seeing her look at me as I poured my heart out to her. "I just want everything to be perfect for you and I don't even know where to start" I spoke to hear as a few tears came down before feeling her wiped them away from me.

    "We can only control what happens now Max. If you fuck it up or if I do we can't stop it, but at least we know we tried" she held my face softly as she spoke to me.

    Smiling at her before kissing her hand and grabbing it dropping our hands in my lap. Playing with the rings on her fingers anxiously. "I do want to ask you out Iris but not now while we have been crying" as I chuckled out before she nodded her head "But I'll do it soon but I need to make everything perfect" I spoke to her.

    "Don't stress yourself out to much we literally could be laying bed and if you ask me it will be perfect okay love" she smiled out to me as she spoke before standing up to plant a kiss on my forehead before I stood up as well.

a/n:
   okay so I like this chapter better than the last lol. triple update!!!