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Camille
"you are very lucky Camille" the nurse told me as she entered the room with her clipboard.
"yeah so lucky" I scoffed softly rolling my eyes. How was I lucky in any way? I'm sitting in a dull and sad hospital room after being knocked out for fifteen seconds and having to be stretchered off the court and not able to celebrate my team winning.
The nurse gave me a tight-lipped smile before she continued telling me what was wrong.
"So when you hit your head, you got a stage three concussion, hence why you blacked out for about fifteen seconds. Now with that-" She tried to say before I cut her off.
"So when can I play basketball?" I asked seriously as I picked on my fingers and looked down at my lap. My heart ached as I felt I almost knew the answer to my question
The nurse sighed.
Fuck.
"So Camille...standard concussion protocol is that you can't play any sport for the minimum of three weeks, meaning unfortunately you are ruled out for the rest of March madness. Additionally, you have to limit activities and classes and have a gradual return to full activity. Then after those three weeks, you will come in and do some tests to check if you are still concussed. If not it will be longer, you will probably feel symptoms as well such as headaches, being really tired and occasionally vomiting" The nurse told me softly.
The immense sadness overwhelms me like a heavy fog, settling deep within my chest. It's a feeling that's hard to put into words—a mix of disappointment, frustration, and a profound sense of loss. Every fiber of my being longs to be out there on the court, competing with my team. The thought of watching from the sidelines, unable to contribute, cuts deep. It's not just about missing the games; it's about missing the chance to be part of something bigger than myself, to chase our collective dreams together. The weight of it all feels suffocating at times, as if a part of my identity has been temporarily taken away. I find myself grappling with waves of regret and what-ifs, questioning every moment that led to this point.
I try to hold it together, but the emotions are overwhelming. Each tear feels like a release, a small outlet for the pain that clenches my heart. It's not just sadness; it's a mix of frustration, disappointment, and a deep ache that seems to have no end.
If Paige hadn't told Leilani, would any of this have happened?
If I didn't kiss Paige would any of this happened?
Even though it hurt like hell, I knew I deserved it. I deserved everything that was coming to me and had come to me. I hurt Leilani and I probably hurt Paige as well. What I did wasn't okay, I was just getting karma for my actions.
I wish Paige and I didn't kiss.
Now I've affected my basketball, one of the only things that was completely consistent for me. When I did my ACL it felt like my entire world had been turned upside down now it just feels like nothing, I feel nothing.
