Bairi Sanam: The hate of a lover

Chapter XXV: Sawaal

Tejasvin

Returning home, I stood at the balcony of my room holding onto the railing. I was trying to process my emotions regarding everything that took place recently. How I began to enjoy being around her, that incident, and then her alliance with Chetan. I was still unsure why I was so bothered by the decision of her marriage. He stood up for her when no one else was ready to marry her and I'm sure he would ensure her happiness in the future too.

I sighed heavily and heard footsteps behind me. Surbhi aunty came and stood next to me as I was still looking out the balcony. She placed her hand over mine that was gripping the railing.

"Is there something bothering you beta?" She asked with much concern, and I nodded. She placed both her hands on my either shoulder and turned me around to face her. "Would you like to share it with your mother?"

I held her hand that was on one of my shoulders and took it between both my hands. I closed my eyes letting the warmth of her motherhood calm the havoc inside me for a moment before opening my eyes to look at her.

"Was it hard for you? Marrying my dad? Was it scary not knowing if he'd ever be able to give you the same love he once had for his wife? How did you feel about me when you first came into this house?" I asked and she smiled gently at my line of questions. Taking my hand, she made me sit down on the sofa in the balcony taking a seat next to me.

"Raj, Savitri and I, we used to be good friends during our college times. I have watched them both fall in love and eventually get married," she said looking out the balcony and chuckled before continuing. "I even attended their wedding," she scoffed, and I let out a chuckle too. She placed her hand over mine that was resting on my thigh, putting some weight on it.

"Life is unpredictable beta. I did not think I'd end up marrying your father. Savitri died young, which was heartbreaking for everyone, especially Raj. To answer your question, yes it was hard marrying him but isn't life full of making hard decisions and hoping for a beautiful outcome? I couldn't bear seeing your dad all broken, which is when I realised my feelings towards him. Yes, it was scary not knowing if he'd able to reciprocate those feelings but what is love if you have such expectations? I did not expect him to love me back, I just wanted to be his support and it eventually turned into a beautiful marriage. It is the selflessness that makes love the greatest strength to ever exist," she said and moved her hand in my hair.

"Savitri moved to Raghavaiah after marrying Raj and when she was carrying you, I stayed with her during the last trimester of her pregnancy. It felt as if I was bearing you as well. It was I who took you in my arms first when you came out. Not Raj not Savitri. My eyes welled up with tears looking at your sharp features and attractive aura. You possessed such great strength even when you were just few minutes old. You held my finger with such firmness that the first thing that came out of my mouth was 'Tejasvin.' Coming back to your question, the first time I met you was not when I married Raj but when you came into this world. I felt a sense of motherhood arousing in me when I looked at you. Though Smriti was born out of my womb, it was you who made me a mother before I even realised it. In fact, I was jealous of Savitri for the longest time that why didn't I get to birth you." She expressed all of her emotions so beautifully that I couldn't help but praise the emotional strength she held. My eyes had collected some tears as I reminisced the past.

"Savitri was such a brilliant woman and you have gotten your brilliance from her cause I'm pretty sure your dad is not that intelligent," she said laughingly, and I chuckled that made few tears escape.

"Why all these questions today? Is it about whatever happened in the panchayat today?" She asked sensing my uneasiness.

Letting out a heavy sigh I said, "I'm not able to understand what I'm feeling. I don't know why it feels like that I made the wrong decision."