Bairi Sanam: The hate of a lover

Chapter III: Beeti baatein

Ketaki

"Amma, bauji," I muttered in my sleep that made wake up with a jerk. I was panting heavily and sweat beads had collected on my forehead. I sat up on the bamboo mat that was spread on the floor and brought my knees closer to my chest. I gulped as my throat had become dry and moved the back of my hand over my forehead to remove some of the sweat. Wrapping my hands around my legs, I tried to catch my breath. I closed my eyes to shun away the memories of that day that keeps reappearing in my nightmares almost every night.

(Mom, dad)

As soon as I lay down at night to catch some sleep, the visuals of fire appear in front of my eyes, making me horrified to even close my eyes. I was merely eleven when my parents were burned alive in front of me and all I could do was scream for help, but no one even moved from their place. Chacha ji held me from my arms tightly as I kept trying to move towards the fire to try to save them.

I recalled the tales I used to hear from the villagers about my parents. They would make disgusted faces whenever I'd walk past them, knowing that I was their daughter. Some even felt pity for me, but it wasn't enough to heal the pain of losing them.

My father fell in love with my mother, who was from Somgarh, our neighbouring village. Since it was prohibited for the people to marry someone outside of their own village, they fled away. They settled down in a small village far away from shackles of Somgarh and Raghavaiah and eventually had me. My mother used to tell me that she named me Ketaki because I was as delicate as a flower's bud.

"Komal si kali, meri Ketaki."

(My delicate flower bud, Ketaki.)

I remembered her words that still echo in my ears. They returned home after eleven years, hoping they would've been forgiven by now, but they were utterly wrong. I met my dad's younger brother and his mother then. Chacha ji welcomed me with moist eyes, but my grandmother wasn't happy to see me. She did not like the way my parents eloped, making them a topic of gossip for the villagers. 

My parents were hiding in their house when someone found out about their presence. This news was spread in the entire village, and soon I watched my mother being dragged out by her hair, followed by my father while I cried out loud. They were tied in the middle of the chowk to a wooden pillar and were lit to fire in front of my eyes. Their loud screams filled my ears as I continuously cried in the arms of chacha ji. He hid my face in his embrace, preventing me from seeing this brutal scene.

(Village square)

What was even their fault in all this? Apparently, they were punished for being a disgrace to the village but what is so disgraceful about falling in love?

Since then, I have been living with chacha ji, listening to daadi's bitter words every day and feeling suffocated. No doubt I have come out stronger from that incident, yet it still hurts. In the responsibility of looking after me, chacha ji never got married and I could never repay him for the love he has showered on me even if I want to.

Remembering all these painful events, I came out of the house to find some relief in the fresh air. I stood outside, placing my hands on the wooden railing that surrounded the entire house.

"Amma, bauji. Your Ketaki feels lonely without you," I said looking into the vastness of the night sky. I had labelled the two stars that twinkled the most as my parents and would often come out to talk to them at night. My eyes welled up with tears remembering my mother's warm embrace and my father's soft kisses. "How would I live in this ruthless world without you?" A lone tear slid out my eye as I said that under my breath.

My thoughts were disrupted by some footsteps, and I pushed my tears back. I saw a tall, manly figure at some distance, but it was too dark to make out who it was. I observed the person put on his shirt and I lowered my gaze instantly realising that he wasn't wearing anything on the top. I couldn't help but raise my eyes again to look back at him and watch his receding figure disappear in the darkness of the street.

Tejasvin

"Aunt—"

"Maa hu tumhari," she said softly, and I turned around to look at her whose eyes were slightly moist now. I was trying to find something to say to her but couldn't find the right words.

(I'm your mother.)

"Get changed and come downstairs to eat," she said breaking the silence. I nodded and walked towards the room to get out of my wet clothes. Settling at the dining table, she served me food and I ate in silence. Everyone else had already fallen asleep so the silence felt even heavier.

I returned to my room after finishing up and sat on the sofa placed in the balcony of my room. I sighed heavily and took the metallic eagle locket out of my shirt. I gave it a good look and fisted it tightly in my hand recalling how my mother tied this around my neck when she was alive. She used to say that I have sharp eyes just like an eagle. This might be one of the reasons I have a strong connection with Jabaaz.

She left me when I was only nine but, in those few years, I lived my entire childhood with her. Dad decided to remarry soon after as being the Sarpanch of the village, he needed some support at home. They had Smriti the year I turned eleven. I spent most of my time after that in the boarding school in the city and then decided to pursue law. I stayed there for the most part and Smriti would often come to the city to meet me here and there. It helped us to strengthen our relationship, making our bond the most beautiful.

In the midst of all this, I never got to establish a solid foundation with my stepmother. She has always considered me as her own son, but I was never able to call her mother, the words she has been yearning to hear from my mouth. We have hardly talked despite living under the same roof and it worsened when I moved away. Losing a mother is painful indeed but receiving another one who showers you with the same love is a blessing. However, I didn't know how to break my own barriers to become a son to her once again. I didn't know if I would be able to reciprocate the immense love I once had for my mother.

A sigh left my mouth as I released the hold on my locket and closed my eyes. Suddenly, my mind drifted to the time when I was walking back home some time ago and felt a pair of eyes on me. After putting my shirt on while walking, I turned my head in the direction of it. I noticed a woman standing outside one of the houses but couldn't clearly see in the darkness. I stopped on my tracks looking at the dark figure with head bowed down for a minute before walking away.