Under the Shades of Sky

Chapter 30

It's hard to pretend you didn't know anything for the sake of your mother's happiness. It's between her peace or my peace. Hindi ko alam kung anong pipiliin.

Bago ako pumasok sa kwarto ni Mama, pumunta kami ni Nate sa chapel ng hospital. I wasn't a religious person but at that time...I found myself weeping and begging in front of God. I begged Him to save my father. I begged Him to save Nathan's parents. I begged him to let my sister experience a happy and complete family... a thing I didn't experience.

"Anak, dito ka nga." malambing na sabi ni Mama sakin. Hawak niya ang kapatid ko...we are now officially a family of five but the two members are now in heaven..

Maliit akong ngumiti sa kanya habang lumapit sa gilid niya. "Bakit po, Ma? May kailangan ka pa po?" tanong ko.

She caressed my hair and kissed my forehead. "Bakit ka umiiyak, anak? Did something happen?" she asked worriedly.

I badly want to tell the truth but I know it will hurt her.

I shook my head and smiled. "Wala po, Ma."

She looked at me unconvinced pero inunahan ko na siya. "Ano ka ba! Naiiyak lang po ako kasi nakita ko na kapatid ko." biro ko pa.

She just sighed deeply and looked at my sister sleeping peacefully in her arms. "Do you want to name her, anak?" she asked me.

"Can I, Mama?"

She smiled before gently tracing my sister's nose. "Of course."

I leaned closer to mama to see my sister. Nakabalot siya sa isang puting tela, bakas ang pagiging matangos ng ilong, natural ang pagkapula ng mga labi, maputi din ang malambot niyang balat. "Your Ate Aria once dreamed of having you baby. I'm sure Ariannna was now delighted to see you here with us." Mama looked at me and smiled contently.

"She always want to name you Abrianna Céline." sabi ko pa at ngumiti ang kapatid ko.

"You like that name Abby? It suits you very well, right?" I said, forcing myself to sound unproblematic.

My sister made baby noises that made me smile. A new strength to keep me going. A new beginning of an unknown future to look upon.

Pagkatapos non ay pinatulog ko muna si Mama dahil alam kong sobrang pagod na siya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi pa din bumabalik sina Tita Alvina. Pati tuloy ako kinakabahan sa kanila. Ako ngayon ang may karga kay Abby malapit sa bintana at hinehele ang kapatid, I was trying to stop my tears because I don't want to disturb her peaceful sleep. Like Arianna, Abby was too precious too hear my cries. She was too precious to experience being hurt by this cruel world.

"Baby, if things got too difficult... always remember Ate Celestine -"

"And Kuya Nathan."

"Always remember that we are here to guide you until you overcome it. I love you, little Abby. Mahal ka din ni Ate Arianna." sabi ko sa natutulog na kapatid.

Maya maya pa ay dumating na ang nurse para kunin ulit si Abby. Lumabas kami ni Nate sa kwarto para hindi magising si Mama sa pag-iyak ko.

"It's my fault, Nate.... It's my fault." I said , almost whispering because of guilt building up my body.

"Deia... it wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It was an accident..." he said and hugged me.

"I shouldn't let him go to that business trip with your parents..." my voice cracked. "Nasa akin ang desisyon kahapon pero pinayagan ko pa din siya." my sobbing voice echoed in the hallway, giving the voice to my unexpressed emotions I tried to hide earlier.

"No, Deia..." he hugged me.

Nathan's embrace made me calm. He offered me water to drink but I refused. We stayed outside the room for almost 30 minutes, complete silence enveloped us, only using our senses to feel each other's silent sorrows. No one dared to speak not until my cousins arrived.