August,
I hate myself.
I hate hurting her.
I hate making the person I love suffer.
I hate seeing the cuts on Y/N's arm.
I hate seeing the blood on the bathroom floor.
I hate giving other women what we had.
I hate thinking about the possibility of losing Y/N.
Her life is a living hell because of me. She's been putting up with me for years, and I'm man enough to say I feel bad. And I feel stupid for just now expressing what I feel inside. She deserves so much more than what I'm giving her.
When we're out in public, I treat her like a queen. People look at us like we're the young Jay-Z and Beyoncé. The public was the place where I couldn't beat her up or tear her deep emotions down.
But when we were behind closed doors, I was drunk and high all the time. Y/N tried her best to help me stop, but I would cuss her out and abuse. I would say the most hurtful shit that she would go in the bathroom and cut her arms with blades. Seeing the blood reminds me that I caused it.
My past gets in the way of our love. But I don't think she's in love with me anymore. I don't understand why she's still with me after all the hell I put her through. Shit, I should be at home right now instead of sitting here in my car in front of a random girl's house.
I sighed and rushed home. As I was cruising to our house, red and blue lights was all I saw.
"August!!" an familiar voice yelled. Then a female ran to my car. I stopped the car when I realized it was Y/N's mom. The car was parked in the middle of the street, but I didn't care.
"What happened?? Where's Y/N??" I asked.
She couldn't talk at all. She stuttered so much, I couldn't understand a word. So I comforted her and walked her to the porch.
"Are you August??" a police officer said.
"Yea."
He sighed. "Here's a letter from Y/N. She wrote it for you before her suicide in the bathroom."
Suicide.
Suicide.
Suicide.
That word ran through my head and I began to cry. The ambulance left before I could go in there and see her body. This isn't happening. It isn't.
The officer handed me the note and left. Our yard is filled with Y/N's family and friends crying their eyes out. I want to be alone and read this letter.
Going inside the house, I locked myself in the guest room and opened the letter up.
Dear August,
I wrote this letter for your eyes only. I really don't know how to start this letter out.
But the past few years, I've been putting up with the pain and suffering.
And I really don't know why you would do hurtful things to me when you know I love you.
You hurt me behind closed doors while other people thought we were perfect.
I know you have a very dark past, but you didn't have to take your anger out on me.
You know I could've helped you.
And when you would get drunk, you would rape me and abuse me.
You know I believe in getting married first then being intimate.
But one day, I found out I was pregnant.
You were drunk like always and I didn't get a chance to tell you because you beat me up and I ended up losing it.
And that was just last week.
But you were the reason why I cut myself and lost a lot of blood.
You were the reason why I was always scared to come home because if I came, you would be drunk and we know what that leads to.
You were the reason why I was self conscious. Your ass was always with another bitch behind my back.
But I thought to myself. Maybe I'm the reason why you get drunk everyday.
But you don't have to do that anymore, because I'm gone forever.
You should be happy now. I'm out of your life.
But just know that you took a innocent life that was ours. I'm tired of it all.
Now I'm resting in peace.
I love you, and I always will.
Sincerely,
Y/N
